Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there . I’ve been researching autism since my gp suggested I might be as well as adhd as I’m a tad accident prone and have no real sense of direction . A friend sent me a link to a book about masking and being autistic and it was that lightbulb moment where everything written resonated with me .
my mother had issues and I think she was autistic with some serious mental health problems , my brother was diagnosed with autism at 73 which was a lightbulb moment for him and my daughter has finally had an official adhd diagnosis at nearly the age of 30.
so the odds are in my favour to make the set up. I am functioning but had a melt down a couple of years ago when I was off work for a while and have had depression on and off most of my life , anoerexic as a teenager and can have communication issues especially with my manager at work . He despairs of my sometimes inconsistency and that sometimes when I am trying to tell him of an event all the words come out total rubbish or in the wrong order . It’s a standing joke when I trip or walk through a door and leave a toe behind that I should live in bubble wrap and I can’t ride a bike to save my life and if expected to change gears I fall over .
it all makes sense and I’m learning how I have been masking for most of my 59 years on this planet .
sometimes I display an emotion on the outside but I don’t feel it inside almost like an auto response when I feel nothing and other times the opposite where I am crying inside but appear calm outside .
Llamalady said:sometimes I display an emotion on the outside but I don’t feel it inside almost like an auto response when I feel nothing and other times the opposite where I am crying inside but appear calm outside .
Welcome to the site.
Emotional regulation is quite a common issue for neurodivergents and most likely the cause of this, plus you are probably masking when not displaying emotions as part of our self defence mechanism.
Lots of us have this sort of trait - you can learn to connect to your emotions if you want to - it is a bit of a journey and best done with the help of a therapist in my opinion - just make sure the therapist is well versed in dealing with autistic and ADHD patients.
Look on the bright side - now you have a good indication of the causes for your issues here then you can learn more about them and how to make them less of a hinderance to you.
Is there anything in particular you would like advice with?
Thank you , much appreciated. At the moment there is a lot to take in and me being me like to collate as much information on a topic as possible . I’m just rethinking parts of my life now and moving forward become a more genuine me (most of the time anyway). I wa always told by counsellors that the way I was feeling including a meltdown a d couple of years ago was just anxiety and depression brought on by life events but now I am thinking that autism compounded the issue as I just shut down after too much external information and dramas . My gp appointment is on 21st and I’ll move forward from there . X