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Hello there

Llamalady
1 month ago

Hi there .  I’ve been researching autism since my gp suggested I might be as well as adhd as I’m a tad accident prone and have no real sense of direction .  A friend sent me a link to a book about masking and being autistic and it was that lightbulb moment where everything written resonated with me .  

my mother had issues and I think she was autistic with some serious mental health problems , my brother was diagnosed with autism at 73 which was a lightbulb moment for him and my daughter has finally had an official adhd diagnosis at nearly the age of 30.

so the odds are in my favour to make the set up.  I am functioning but had a melt down a couple of years ago when I was off work for a while and have had depression on and off most of my life , anoerexic as a teenager and can have communication issues especially with my manager at work .  He despairs of my sometimes inconsistency and that sometimes when I am trying to tell him of an event all the words come out total rubbish or in the wrong order . It’s a standing joke when I trip or walk through a door and leave a toe behind that I should live in bubble wrap and I can’t ride a bike to save my life and if expected to change gears I fall over .  

it all makes sense and I’m learning how I have been masking for most of my 59 years on this planet . 

sometimes I display an emotion on the outside but I don’t feel it inside almost like an auto response when I feel nothing and other times the opposite where I am crying inside but appear calm outside . 

  • 1 month ago

    Hi Llamalady 

    I'm new here too. I'm in my mid 30s, and in a similar boat - I started seeing a counsellor earlier in the year about some anxiety issues, and she suspects I am neurodivergent - possibly adhd and/or autistic. From the reading I have been doing, I feel like I can relate more to the descriptions of autism than to those of adhd. Though there are also parts I don't feel like I relate to so much as well. A couple of weeks ago, I had a screening assessment (with a psychologist, not just an online quiz) and the results were that I do show some signs of adhd traits, but unlikely to be enough for a diagnosis, but I scored high enough on the autism front to warrant seeking a diagnostic assessment if I decide I want to. I'm still very much in the middle of figuring things out. Anyway, its nice to find others who are on a similar journey. 

  • 1 month ago

    I wrote a long carefully considered message in response but there was a system error and it's been lost. I don't have the energy to try to recreate it... Maybe for the best.

    Key points:
    1) Your GP may refer you for formal autism assessment
    2) To do this they will need evidence from early years of signs/symptoms which might point to autism (for me this was, for example, not forming friendships at school, standing on my own in playground, feeling isolated, always on the periphery, being bullied and exploited, meltdowns at home for unclear reasons)

    What were you like then? I don't need the answer, but if you can convey that to the GP it may help.

    Good luck.

  • 1 month ago

    Welcome Lindy Loo, from another 50 something.

    I also realised that one of my parents was probably autistic, in retrospect. It actually helped me reach a kind of closure with him.

  • 1 month ago in reply to Iain

    Thank you , much appreciated.  At the moment there is a lot to take in and me being me like to collate as much information on a topic as possible .  I’m just rethinking parts of my life now and moving forward become a more genuine me (most of the time anyway).  I wa always told by counsellors that the way I was feeling including a meltdown a d couple of years ago was just anxiety and depression brought on by life events but now I am thinking that autism compounded the issue as I just shut down after too much external information and dramas .   My gp appointment is on 21st and I’ll move forward from there . X

  • 1 month ago
    Llamalady said:
    sometimes I display an emotion on the outside but I don’t feel it inside almost like an auto response when I feel nothing and other times the opposite where I am crying inside but appear calm outside .

    Welcome to the site.

    Emotional regulation is quite a common issue for neurodivergents and most likely the cause of this, plus you are probably masking when not displaying emotions as part of our self defence mechanism.

    Lots of us have this sort of trait - you can learn to connect to your emotions if you want to - it is a bit of a journey and best done with the help of a therapist in my opinion - just make sure the therapist is well versed in dealing with autistic and ADHD patients.

    Look on the bright side - now you have a good indication of the causes for your issues here then you can learn more about them and how to make them less of a hinderance to you.

    Is there anything in particular you would like advice with?