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Brother spent about 50 hours per week watching the news - Advice Needed

NAS94493
9 days ago

I experienced a breakdown when my brother spent nearly the entire awake day watching the news during lockdown, and now he holds animosity towards me.

2002: Bought a House Together
My elder brother and I purchased a property in London. My bedroom is a small box room that cannot fit a TV, while his bedroom is about twice as large and can accommodate a TV.

2002 - 2019: Coping with the Situation
During this period, we watched some TV and films together, although I was often annoyed by the constant news being on. I managed to cope as I was going to work and spending time out of the house.

2019: Diagnosis
In 2019, my brother was diagnosed with autism, although he probably received little or no treatment. A health worker asked me questions about my brother's behavior growing up.  I did some research and realised he was autistic - having previously not been too knowledgeable about it. He has never spoken about his autism - and might not be aware that i know. He has got diagnosed very very late and was in his mid 40s

2020: Pandemic and Lockdown
During the pandemic and lockdown, when we couldn’t go out, the situation became unbearable. My brother would spend almost the entire day that he was awake in the lounge, leaving only to use the bathroom, make tea, or microwave a meal. The TV would be on the news for 6 to 10 hours a day, even when he was busy working on his laptop. So listening to music or with the TV off on in the lounge wouldn't be an option. This relentless news was depressing and unfair.

Trying to Resolve

  1. I pleaded with him on three occasions about how depressing this was, but instead of addressing the problem or reducing his news-watching hours, he then began closing the lounge door. This did not resolve the issue, as the lounge is a common area with an open plan to the kitchen. I experienced several breakdowns, and on one occasion, I stormed in and turned off the TV. Since then, he barely talks to me, even though we still live in the same house.

  2. Further attempts to address the issue have probably worsened our relationship.  I told him how difficult it was for me- and all the points listed and it just descended into an argument.

Current Situation
He now only spends time in the lounge when I am upstairs or away. This change has not fully resolved the tension, as the underlying issues remain unaddressed.

Seeking Advice
I want to move out, but this is complicated because we bought the house together, and he has shown no desire to go our separate ways - though we could probably financially manage.

Parents
  • 8 days ago

    Sensory overload is not just for Autistics. If you get the statistics on how sound has been used to torture prisoners, how psychological warfare has also been used, and then make comparisons to being subjected to what you have, you will have grounds for a solid argument which he might respond better to. The problem many of us deal with which can make it difficult to relate to others and therefore, reason on a basis of sympathy is due to the difficulty identifying our own feelings. On top of this many autistics experience trauma growing up as a mismatch in the world and can shut down to the point of being so withdrawn from ourselves, which also increases the difficulty of finding connexion. His lifestyle doesn't sound healthy.

    Perhaps you'll also need to address the legality of having to sell your share of the shared investment. You could even raise the point of someone else buying it if he can't. 

    You will have to initiate discussion, unfortunately, but this is a very long time. It's important to think about your dynamics. And it does sound like everyone could use a great deal of alone time. In hindsight, given the finances, sometimes the better option is to each buy  a flat next door to the other. 

Reply
  • 8 days ago

    Sensory overload is not just for Autistics. If you get the statistics on how sound has been used to torture prisoners, how psychological warfare has also been used, and then make comparisons to being subjected to what you have, you will have grounds for a solid argument which he might respond better to. The problem many of us deal with which can make it difficult to relate to others and therefore, reason on a basis of sympathy is due to the difficulty identifying our own feelings. On top of this many autistics experience trauma growing up as a mismatch in the world and can shut down to the point of being so withdrawn from ourselves, which also increases the difficulty of finding connexion. His lifestyle doesn't sound healthy.

    Perhaps you'll also need to address the legality of having to sell your share of the shared investment. You could even raise the point of someone else buying it if he can't. 

    You will have to initiate discussion, unfortunately, but this is a very long time. It's important to think about your dynamics. And it does sound like everyone could use a great deal of alone time. In hindsight, given the finances, sometimes the better option is to each buy  a flat next door to the other. 

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