Published on 12, July, 2020
I experienced a breakdown when my brother spent nearly the entire awake day watching the news during lockdown, and now he holds animosity towards me.2002: Bought a House TogetherMy elder brother and I purchased a property in London. My bedroom is a small box room that cannot fit a TV, while his bedroom is about twice as large and can accommodate a TV.
2002 - 2019: Coping with the SituationDuring this period, we watched some TV and films together, although I was often annoyed by the constant news being on. I managed to cope as I was going to work and spending time out of the house.
2019: DiagnosisIn 2019, my brother was diagnosed with autism, although he probably received little or no treatment. A health worker asked me questions about my brother's behavior growing up. I did some research and realised he was autistic - having previously not been too knowledgeable about it. He has never spoken about his autism - and might not be aware that i know. He has got diagnosed very very late and was in his mid 40s
2020: Pandemic and LockdownDuring the pandemic and lockdown, when we couldn’t go out, the situation became unbearable. My brother would spend almost the entire day that he was awake in the lounge, leaving only to use the bathroom, make tea, or microwave a meal. The TV would be on the news for 6 to 10 hours a day, even when he was busy working on his laptop. So listening to music or with the TV off on in the lounge wouldn't be an option. This relentless news was depressing and unfair.
Trying to Resolve
Current SituationHe now only spends time in the lounge when I am upstairs or away. This change has not fully resolved the tension, as the underlying issues remain unaddressed.
Seeking AdviceI want to move out, but this is complicated because we bought the house together, and he has shown no desire to go our separate ways - though we could probably financially manage.
If you want to move out do it. The situation may improve but wanting your own space is normal and it’s likely you will feel the same or more strongly in the future. Broach the subject with your brother and start working out the details. Could he afford to buy you out? If not it’s time to sell, help each other as much as possible, plan things carefully and above all don’t feel guilty, you have as much right to happiness as anyone.