Anxiety with work.

Rayann said:

when I was shadowing someone else who does the tills some of the customers made small talk and I’m dreading this.

Rayann said:

But doing the tills and small talking is definitely beyond me

You have 2 issues that I see here. One is your anxiety and this takes a lot of practice to manage.

Have you ever had therapy for it before? If not I would consider it as a way to manage what can otherwise be a crippling issue in many sutuations.

The other issue is engaging in small talk. It is actually fairly simle if you learn a few guidelines and practice makes it much more managable.

If a customer starts talking to you it is normally either a question - in which case you can answer, or a comment which is an invitation for you to join the conversation.

The questions are easy - typically you just need to pause, consider what the answer is and give it, and return to what you were doing.

The invitations to a conversation are a bit more challenging but there are a few options here:

1 - Ask an open ended question in return.
2 - be curious
3 - ask for an opinion
4 - find common ground
5 - approach the common interest from a unique angle
6 - share your opinion and be respectful of others.
7 - use what if scenarios to get the person thinking & talking

Possible scenarios.

1 - customer asks "why are things so expensive now". You reply "I know, it seems like it never ends. How do you think it will work itself out?"

2 - customer asks "why are things so expensive now". You reply "how are you finding prices of things elsewhere?"

3 - customer asks "why are things so expensive now". You reply "What do you think is behind it all"

4 - customer asks "why are things so expensive now". You reply "I know, I can barely cover the bills these days. I dread having to decide what I can afford when I go shopping too".

5 - customer asks "why are things so expensive now". You reply "Do you think it is all due to global warming?"

6 - customer asks "why are things so expensive now". You reply "I'm struggling too, it isn't easy getting by these days unless you are rich"

7 - customer asks "why are things so expensive now". You reply "what if you won the lottery - would you still shop here? It doesn't do any harm to dream."

I imagine it is the unknown nature of the conversations that is the anxiety inducing part - if this is the case then it helps to make a bit of a game of it and keep tabs on how many customers talked to you (beyond the "how much is that?" or "can I have 2 bags" interactions) and how many you got through without being "rumbled".

Maybe setup a bingo game with your colleagues on subjects brought up on the day - have a list of topical subjects and choose 5 at randon at the start of a shift and whoever gets all 5 first gets their lunch paid by the others in the canteen,

With repeated exposure your confidence will grow. Sure there will be the odd weird conversation (autist possibly LOL) and the occasional creep but that is like buying a bag of tomatoes to find one has a mouldy bit - you don't stop eating tomatoes just because one was bad.

When I started working in a supermarket I would often be behing the scenes in the warehouse but was regularly called to help disabled shoppers when needed help in reaching the shelves - this often came with speech difficulties and at the time I was working in England but had a broad Scottish accent so this made the interactions quite a challenge.

I found it very helpful to think of the other person - who was unintentionally making it really stressful for me - as a person who had issues I couldn't understand and this helped me defuse the anxiety and turned it more to sympathy.

This may help in your situation as they may be having a whole load of stuff going on with them that you cannot see, so helps you see the human and not the awkward question.

Whoop I'm glad you found a job that you're suited to. Really happy for you. That's my dream, I'll keep looking and hoping at some point the right job for me will materialise. 

In the meantime I'll try and succeed at this current job in the supermarket and hope it all work's out. 

It means experience for me and that can only really help. 

Hopefully at some point I'll find something better suited.

Hergé said:

I think we've all masked up to fit in or get through. X

So true. 

I don't think I could get through a day without masking. I know it isn't exactly healthy either but it's become part of my routine now and I've not been able to cope without it. 

Think most autistic people are like this though. 

Rayann x

I worked in retail for years and muddled through. If you can find a job that matches your interests that would be the goal.

I'm fortunate enough to have landed a job that suits my "skill set" that enables me avoid most of the general public.

I think we've all masked up to fit in or get through. X

Hi Herge. Thank you so much for your helpful reply! Faking it to make it. Sounds like pretty much what I did during my time at school, saying very little, feigning interest to fit in and be accepted. Luckily I have been practicing small talk and I’m sure I’ll be able to pull this off… even if it’s only saying hi, or yes and nos if people ask stuff.

I’m not really suited to working in a supermarket and I doubt I’ll enjoy it but a job’s a job…

Eventually I would love to get in to a job I would like. Like working with children, that has always appealed to me in a big way but I have emtophobia and working with children would almost definitely get me sick at some point which so far has stopped me from even applying.

But I’ll work on my strengths and hopefully gain some form of experience from working in a supermarket.

Thanks so much for responding, I do appreciate it!!

Rayann x

Hi, I worked in retail for years and hated every minute of it. I just developed and sorted of script. Fortunately these interactions tend to be very brief and require minimal variation. 

So whether is "how are you" or "terrible weather" or something similar. 

Multi tasking can also be learnt. It's like muscle memory, one you're comfortable with one thing other things become easier. It may never"feel " 100% natural but it can be done or faked.

It takes effort and can be tiring. Allow yourself decompression time.

Good luck and take care