Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone
This is kind of a big deal for me to put this out there. I have been compiling a list of my traits and experiences over the last 9 months now since I discovered my son is autistic. Before that time I knew I was different and I’m utterly shocked at the amount of things I have on my list. I kinda know the answer but I’m so thoughtful towards others that I wouldn’t want to waste an assessor’s time or take an assessment away from someone else but just wanted to share this.
My list so far.
Over sensitive in my nature
Bright sunlight hurts
Take things literally and don’t get why people find that funny
Get frustrated and irritated with yourself and others for very little
Tired in body for no reason feel exhausted
Sensitive to smells (candles and perfume, hairspray and car air fresheners)
Sensitive to extreme heat/cold
High pain threshold
Very Forgetful so use notes but forget to look at them
Struggle with eye contact feels extremely uncomfortable (can’t even look at myself for long)
Struggle with socialising feels overwhelming (more people the worse it feels)
Mask a lot especially in social interactions
Everything is a task
OCD (feel good when I’m this way)
Poor concentration unable to multitask
Sit in quiet dark space sometimes to calm myself down
Over empathetic (can physically feel tension, happiness from others)
Struggle thinking of words when in conversation
Always thinking I don’t handle things well
Can talk very loudly and then too quietly
Don’t like people that much
Easily offended
Get very down
Struggle to plan how long tasks and work take
Struggle to find a word when talking (brain doesn’t think quick enough)
Hate asking for help (guilt)
Get so fixated on tasks can block out things around me inc not eating
Don’t really enjoy going out and can’t wait to get home
Very slow at reading as I constantly go over the same thing (to try and make sense)
Multi tasking is awful and makes me really anxious
Avoid gossip and speculation
Constant need to talk about disagreements
Sulk a lot (silent treatment)
Always look grumpy to people even when happy
Wife says I always appear unhappy
Sensitive to air pressure do get regular nosebleeds
Panic attacks
Highly self aware
Inertia (struggle to start but when I do it’s difficult to stop)
Lack of control (won’t let others do certain things as they won’t do it as I would do it)
Depression and anxiety
Constantly monitor people’s behaviour, body language and expression so I can better interpret their mood (but usually get it wrong)
Use other people’s mannerisms for my own purposes (to appear confident or tougher)
Interests/obsession Motorbike racing, autism, order and monitoring people’s behaviour
Meltdown (internalised and contained) usually are extreme unhappiness, feel detached from everything and in a truly dark place and alone.
Panic attacks where I’m heaving and trying to throw up, breathing restrictions in my throat and sometimes are physically sick.
Have had counselling with 2 or 3 private therapists to no avail.
Genuinely feel I suffer ptsd and was especially highlighted after my father’s devastating stroke and aneurism. This changed me permanently.
Stims include hands between knees and wobble my knees, hold my head in my hands, bite skin in my mouth and fingers sometimes rock
Don’t like being grabbed or touched by surprise
Have trouble saying bye to people like I don’t hug or kiss (unless it’s wife my mum or kids) I just don’t get it
Hate the material silk, it makes me feel sick just thinking about it
Suffered from severe urticaria for years (could never find a cause) had tests for intolerance but was never found. I think this was social anxiety and stress that caused it. I was on medication for a long time for this.
Have had antidepressants in the past from Gp.
Can get taken advantage of.
Hate injustice
Always picking out flaws in what my wife says and correct her which appears to come across as negative
When socialising I get very tired early, lots of yawning and just need to rest
Replay past conversations over and over in my head ( this can be for a very long time after the event)
Don’t like people being too close to me especially if I’m not familiar with them
Can forget what I’m doing if I have a break
Would really appreciate any feedback if you wouldn’t mind at all please.
I'm not saying you're not autistic, your list is pretty incredible, but just for a minute, lets use a different lens to view some of the things you've mentioned.
Lots of people have periods of depression for all sorts of reasons.
All good people should hate injustice, why is this included as an autistic trait?
We can all be taken advantage of, there are lots of people who are very good at scamming and conning others.
Why would you not be traumatised by your fathers stroke? Surely to keep going over it is part of the grieving process?
I've met lots of people with "interests" over the years, I don't think they should be specifically seen as evidence of autism.
Doesn't everyone have an "ick", whether its to a fabric, a food or anything really?
I nearly puched my ex husband in the face when he came up behind me unexpectedly and grabbed hold of my shoulder, in what universe did he think doing that to someone who did martial arts and suffers from PTSD was a good idea?
Counselling is a very particular sort of thing, you have to be in the right place for it and to have a counsellor who you relate too and the type of counselling they offer.
You sulk, well if that makes you autistic then so is every child and many adult men I've had relationships with.
Have you been in situations where help has been unavailable or you've been offered the wrong sort of help? Some people will guilt trip you about not knowing how to do something, other's seem to think it means you want them to do it rather than help you learn, some just try and take over your entire life and punish you for not needing your life run by a third party.
Don't we all have a word on the tip of our tongues that refuses to come out, sometimes for days?
It worries me that so many "symptoms" are quite normal, I guess that you do have an awful lot of them and that the balance of probability is autism.
What one person might see as sulking, another person might see it as needing quiet to gather and process thoughts and emotions.
I haven't read all the OP. I do agree that most people have traits but we need to be careful not to undermine anyone here (edit which upon re reading your post, you havent). I have read your previous posts so I totally get the angle you are coming from. ("Normal behaviours" being pathologised). I think it comes down more to - how do traits affect you negatively. ..how do they impact you on a daily basis... and I also like the cake analogy. There are certain ingredients you need to make a cake, whereas eggs and flour isn't a cake, it's an omelette.
Sorry if I'm making no sense. I am tired and probably shouldn't post.
OOS, I get that you feel my post was was ill considered and as I said at the begining I had no intention of undermining anybody. I agree that many or all of these things have very negative impacts, but how is anyone supposed to feel when faced with the traumatic death of a loved one? Maybe its partly because I wsn't diagnosed until I was 50 and had lived so much of my life as an awkward out of place NT trying to fit in, that I saw so many people having the same experiences, some might be autistic, but many others not, its just life and I think there's often a tendency to want one big answer that ties all lifes shittyness together and has one remedy, life is a collection of experiences and events some good, some bad, some meh.
I often wonder if your body is an eco system of sorts that grew from almost nothing on a certain "diet" , then changing the fundamentals of what it's consuming is likely to have the same effect as global warming does have to coral reeds.
That's my excuse for putting salt on and in stuff, having too much butter, always fancying things how they "used to be"
Hi CatWomen
Sorry but only just read this post properly. My father survived and is still very much alive after his brush with death. Just thought I needed to let you know. I don’t take things in too well sometimes and missed that.
If you are....in that sense.....then rest assured, you are not alone! I worked in both Kwik Save and Gateway....when I was uoofth.......and my mum (coz that was who did the shopping in them-there-days).....did all our shopping therein.
Personally, I (as an autist) feel confused by the fact that we should (allegedly) have minimal fat intake........when our brains are made of the stuff?!?!.........I want my fatty-matter to be sustained>?!