Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm Nel. I've got 3 kids and the middle one (8) is diagnosed as high-functioning ASD. He's a bright, creative little boy who is very affectionate and has a nice circle of friends but every so often (without warning) he will do something completely off the wall at school.
Today I got a call to say he had spat at another child. Earlier this term he hit a little girl. My husband didn't tell me about the hitting because I get so upset about it, so I found out about both in the same phone call. The thing is with him, it's never exactly the same thing twice. Once it was repeating a racist phrase he picked up from lord-knows-where and another time he pulled his pants down on the school bus. Not telling me about the hitting was wrong but I do understand why his Dad kept it from me because I start crying every time the school rings. It's just a conditioned response now. I'm so afraid that he is going to throw his future away by getting expelled.
I don't know how to stop this pattern of every few months something like this happening. I can stop the *specific behaviour* it's never exactly the same thing twice, but how can I get him to just not do things like this? Is this my son or is this common for autistic kids his age? I don't really know much and I feel completely out of my depth.
I suppose so! I guess my worry is whether that happens before or after he does permanent damage to his education. Liable to influence is certainly a factor; I know that the pants incident was because other children told him to.
You're right the behaviours are very different each time. Do you know what the triggers were for these incidents? Have you asked? They may be the common theme.
There are a few things that can make non-social behaviour more common for autistic children. A few sound like they might be involved.
One is being gullible/liable to influence due to difficulties picking up social cues and wanting to fit in. This can make them more likely to follow along with things without sufficiently questioning.
Another is poor impulse control, this is more common with ADHD but there is a lot of overlap between the two and the co-occur a lot.
A good thing is that it sounds like once it is corrected, he is not repeating negative behaviours, so eventually you will run out of things to correct?