Published on 12, July, 2020
I am the mother of a 12 year old autistic son and I am also currently waiting for my own ASD assessment. Our son started mainstream secondary education in September and for the first 2 weeks he settled in really well but then it totally went downhill. Many of my sons teachers are still expecting him to conform, they are aware of his autism and have access to his autism passport, but his behaviours are just seen as a challenge and it's not being looked into why he is being triggered and what they can do in a positive way to address his needs. Recently his behaviour has escalated which includes hitting, spitting, kicking and putting his hands round other pupils necks. The School are taking a blanket approach with his behaviour which means he is taken out of class for 2 days and put in what is called 'inclusion', this does not take into consideration whether it's the right thing to do for his needs it's just done because that is the rule of the School. My son is really unhappy at School and is very angry with what he feels that he's being forced into. My son has no educational needs he is high functioning but this comes with it's own challenges, he does not like doing work that he finds uninteresting or boring and this is resulting in conflict with the teachers. We have a meeting planned within school after half term, but I'm worried that they won't take on board what we are saying and the fact that I feel that my son is being indirectly discriminated against. My son also turns 13 in September so we also have the added challenge of hormones coming into play as well as his neuro diversity.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated as we are really struggling and as a mother I am deeply distressed.
Hi NAS91899
It may help to visit our advice and guidance on behaviour: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour
This provides information and explanations of why your son may be behaving in this way at school and how it is linked to unmet needs. This may help you to explain to the school the causes for his behaviour and help you to find strategies to support him.
It may also be helpful to read our online advice and guidance on school exclusion: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/exclusions
In England, the following organisations may be able to offer help:
Northern Ireland
Wales
Scotland
Best wishes
Sharon Mod
Understandably your son has autism, but the school is concerned with the wellbeing of all students under their care, and it's one thing to be bored and uninterested, but it's another thing to be physically harming other students, and if he cannot control his own hands, and you cannot control him, nor the school, then people are at risk of injury. I mean, I would be scared as a mother, if another student was taking out their anger on my child, and no one ever sends their child to school, and expects them to get injured like that by another student. Student safety comes first.
Maybe your son needs something to focus his energy on, like a sport, martial arts, running, dancing, just something in order to get rid of the excess energy he has, so that he can actually calm down enough to focus. Or maybe he just needs a more active environment in order to learn. Hopefully you and your son finds the right environment for him to learn and get the best education from.
Firstly I understand the challenge of the rules without taking triggers into consideration.
I suspect school would regard the things you have listed as safeguarding issues. The challenges we faced I would put into two categories, one is a matter of safety and the other is things that are done which do not fit the school rules including wearing the correct uniform.
Some of the things that punishments are issued for may be related to things like sensory issues or struggling with being in a busy place, so these could be discussed to see if any further adjustments can be made.
The things you have listed would be unacceptable because they are putting others at risk, so if you have not already done this I would try to find out the triggers that are causing these outbursts, so they can look at ways of reducing the likelihood of getting to these situations. When I feel things have not been understood I tend to look for resources to back up my points. I wonder if you could email any useful links to the staff before you meet them.
If you feel part of the challenge is that the subjects are not challenging enough perhaps they can look at ways of making the content more challenging.
Finally your last paragraph resonates as it can feel like school are trying to ask us to fix something that is difficult for us when we are not in that situation and able to see how an incident reached that point. I hope you are able to get some resolutions and in the meantime have a good half term break.