Published on 12, July, 2020
Firstly, please forgive me if I don't use the right terminology but I am trying. My 14 year old son is not clinically diagnosed but I am in a conversation with the school about it. He doesn't want a formal label and I can understand that. Anyway, he seems to go through phases where he gets a lot of detentions and he says he does not know why. During this phase, he will often be very moody. He gets into a cycle where if a teacher issues a detention, he is convinced the teacher "hates" him, and he then disengages from the lesson and is more likely to get a detention again. It's never for anything really serious - usually not following instructions, not listening, being repeatedly disruptive through talking. I have explained to the school that although I know they have rules, he tends to go on a downward spiral once the detentions start. He is a clever lad and after a few months in high school he began to make some nice friends, but I think sometimes they disengage with him because they sometimes see him as a bit naughty. He has an OCD issue that is really impacting on his daily life and he regularly tells me and others, including his friends, that I don't love him or care about him. This often stems from me saying no to him about something or trying to get him to do his homework or just generally stuff that he doesn't want to do. I think there is an element of PDA and I try to phrase and approach things differently so he isn't overwhelmed by requests but everyday life is full of them. Does anyone have any advice for the best approach to trying to tackle the behaviour that leads to detentions and to support him through what might be anxiety? I am not sure what I am asking really. It's just that at the moment everything is a bit fraught.
He sounds like me when i was about 14 at school. I became disruptive in class and i would be asked to leave class, and i got regular detention. Sometimes i had friends but i was also on my own a lot. This led to a lot of truant. I didnt know what was going on with me, it was a horrible time. I then refused to go to school for my mum. I wasnt naughty as such, but i didnt understand and couldnt explain why. What would have helped me? I dont know really. Comfort, support and understanding may have helped. I was also quite clever but failed at a lot of subjects as a result. I came out of this period ok i suppose. It now turns out that i may have ADHD aswell as being autistic. I remember it being a confusing time. X