Published on 12, July, 2020
Hiya, this is my first time posting. I got my diognosis back in 2022 and I spent a good amount of time processing it. I mean alot of my life experiences became more understandable and I guess I kind of always knew somthing about me was different but I didn't even imagine I'd have a diognois. It wasn't until my two young sons we're both diognosied with autism that the penny dropped with myself.
I'm struggling alot recently with this feeling that I'm not fulfilling my duty as an adult, I know that this may come across strange but from such a young age its always drilled into us that we have to grow up, get married, have a job and a mortgage and all the typical things but I don't. And I feel by not having a job and a mortgage and marriage, that I don't fit in society even more than i already didnt. I've always struggled to hold down a job, I would get overwhelmed and burnt out and end up completely distraught and physicslly unwell which i now know my reason why. I left work after i had my son when i was 19 (8 years ago). It wasn't until I became a mum that I became my most authentic self. I never had a talent as such but being a mum was and is the best thing that's ever happened to me and the only thing I feel I'm good at. I wouldn't have anymore children, just a personal choice as both my boys have completely different needs and traits that take up alot of my time. My youngest came home before Christmas break and was telling me that some mummies work as well. I know he was just stating an observation but it made my anxiety kick in and I've spent weeks now thinking about it, how to I explain to my children why I don't do everything that neuro-typical mummies do. I have a really supportive partner and he's the best father to our boys. He constantly reassures me that my worth isn't dependent on a wage packet but by simply being me. I just can't seem to shake this feeling.
I was wondering if any other autistic adults felt the same as me?.
Thank you for reading
It is too easy to berate yourself for what you cannot do, rather than praise yourself for what you can (it seems to be a common theme across many threads, so I know I am not the only one who does it!). You are raising two autistic children, helping to ensure that they can cope with life and be as happy as possible, doing everything you can to minimise the risk of them struggling to deal with the challenges they will face. Hard to think of anything more important than that. I struggle to look after myself, so I am in awe of someone who can care for two others in that way.