Published on 12, July, 2020
Hiya, this is my first time posting. I got my diognosis back in 2022 and I spent a good amount of time processing it. I mean alot of my life experiences became more understandable and I guess I kind of always knew somthing about me was different but I didn't even imagine I'd have a diognois. It wasn't until my two young sons we're both diognosied with autism that the penny dropped with myself.
I'm struggling alot recently with this feeling that I'm not fulfilling my duty as an adult, I know that this may come across strange but from such a young age its always drilled into us that we have to grow up, get married, have a job and a mortgage and all the typical things but I don't. And I feel by not having a job and a mortgage and marriage, that I don't fit in society even more than i already didnt. I've always struggled to hold down a job, I would get overwhelmed and burnt out and end up completely distraught and physicslly unwell which i now know my reason why. I left work after i had my son when i was 19 (8 years ago). It wasn't until I became a mum that I became my most authentic self. I never had a talent as such but being a mum was and is the best thing that's ever happened to me and the only thing I feel I'm good at. I wouldn't have anymore children, just a personal choice as both my boys have completely different needs and traits that take up alot of my time. My youngest came home before Christmas break and was telling me that some mummies work as well. I know he was just stating an observation but it made my anxiety kick in and I've spent weeks now thinking about it, how to I explain to my children why I don't do everything that neuro-typical mummies do. I have a really supportive partner and he's the best father to our boys. He constantly reassures me that my worth isn't dependent on a wage packet but by simply being me. I just can't seem to shake this feeling.
I was wondering if any other autistic adults felt the same as me?.
Thank you for reading
The Neuro-Spicy Navigator said:My youngest came home before Christmas break and was telling me that some mummies work as well. I know he was just stating an observation but it made my anxiety kick in and I've spent weeks now thinking about it, how to I explain to my children why I don't do everything that neuro-typical mummies do.
Whilst it may be a dated restrictive attitude for some folk to have and a bit sexist, the idea that the 'man provides' and the 'woman stays at home' at least allows it to feel more socially acceptable not to work as a woman, especially when you have kids. The observation that was made from what you said here is that "some mummies work as well" too which means that I'm guessing they observed that some of the other mums didn't as well, many of whom may be NTs. Take that as a little something, you're not some kind of outcast or anomaly or falling behind for not working in your situation and being a parent is quite the job in of itself, be proud of being a full time mum.
I never thought of it like that, I've been so quick to doubt myself that the idea that it could actually be considered acceptable never really clicked. I grew up undiagnosed and both my parents worked even when my mother didn't need to as my father was financially secure, I was passed between family and family friends after school and the never knowing who was picking me up or where I'd be really affected me, when I was poorly I was still given to other family members while my parents worked when all I wanted was to be in my safe place or have a routine. It's somthing that I know many children and parents have to do but It really effected me as a child I now know why it was such a big thing for me. I wouldn't want my boys to have to feel that, every school appointment I'm there, every consultant or therapies appointment I'm there, whatever it is they know mums going to be there for them and I wouldn't have it any other way.