Published on 12, July, 2020
Hiya, this is my first time posting. I got my diognosis back in 2022 and I spent a good amount of time processing it. I mean alot of my life experiences became more understandable and I guess I kind of always knew somthing about me was different but I didn't even imagine I'd have a diognois. It wasn't until my two young sons we're both diognosied with autism that the penny dropped with myself.
I'm struggling alot recently with this feeling that I'm not fulfilling my duty as an adult, I know that this may come across strange but from such a young age its always drilled into us that we have to grow up, get married, have a job and a mortgage and all the typical things but I don't. And I feel by not having a job and a mortgage and marriage, that I don't fit in society even more than i already didnt. I've always struggled to hold down a job, I would get overwhelmed and burnt out and end up completely distraught and physicslly unwell which i now know my reason why. I left work after i had my son when i was 19 (8 years ago). It wasn't until I became a mum that I became my most authentic self. I never had a talent as such but being a mum was and is the best thing that's ever happened to me and the only thing I feel I'm good at. I wouldn't have anymore children, just a personal choice as both my boys have completely different needs and traits that take up alot of my time. My youngest came home before Christmas break and was telling me that some mummies work as well. I know he was just stating an observation but it made my anxiety kick in and I've spent weeks now thinking about it, how to I explain to my children why I don't do everything that neuro-typical mummies do. I have a really supportive partner and he's the best father to our boys. He constantly reassures me that my worth isn't dependent on a wage packet but by simply being me. I just can't seem to shake this feeling.
I was wondering if any other autistic adults felt the same as me?.
Thank you for reading
The Neuro-Spicy Navigator said:I was wondering if any other autistic adults felt the same as me?.
Yes, I frequently feel like this.
I tend to go with the flow. Focus on the good stuff, the successes in my life rather than the negatives. Let one negative thought in and suddenly they all fly in.
I would say that you're doing pretty damn well. You're a mummy, you have a partner who's supportive and you're trying your best. You don't work.. .. but you're bringing up a kid, balancing a relationship as well... no wonder you can't work right now. This is already so much happening in your life.
Focus on how well you're doing. Next time your little one asks say your job is looking after him. That's what my GF said when she was presented with this very question last year.
It's not even a lie. Parenting is a full time job.
Keep rocking super mum!
I do like to just go with the flow of our family life but part of me just is scared I guess that I'm going to end up sticking out or bringing attention to myself by not fitting the norm. The thought of being in a work environment makes me feel physically ill and I run through all these scenarios in my head which ends up me shutting myself off from the world and not going out.
I really appreciate your kind words, I think that's a lovely way to explain it to him and its a way he will understand too.
I keep thinking of ways I could work from home, at my own pace in my safe place as I know I'll be able to be the best I can.I guess I've got time to figure that all out it just seems like its so urgent at times.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.