I feel like a Freak and cannot not find someone who would want a relationship with me!

 i have a simler problem i am now 27  and to me  having a relationship is the one thing i want  in life i have had  girlfriends but they  always dump me  for someone else  i dont have  tourettes but do  have autisim and a learning difficulty  and find things so hard

It's genuinely intended, even if it appears trite to you.  Some sayings are true because they come from a place of logic and reason.  There is nothing meaningless about that.  Think about what I said in my post above.  Which would be the better option?  Of course the desire for a relationship is real, nature has a habit of instilling into us the urge to communicate and procreate, but that doesn't mean any relationship is better than none.  It doesn't also mean, that being dissatisfied with being single makes advice from someone who isn't, worthless or meaningless.

I never said that a relationship is the 'be-all-and-end-all'.

And you talk about trite sayings, which are indeed trite, but 'unless you find peace with yourself, find out who you really are', is equally trite - a pseudo-profundity and so glib as to be meaningless.

The desire for a relationship is a real need and should not  be brushed off with trite platitudes.

It's not all too easy at all.  What a ridiculously generalist statement.

You are forgetting that people with autism who do end up in relationships, can often end up in abusive or unhealthy relationships because they don't recognise either the wrong type of person or the warning signs, or know how to deal with negative relationships once they arise.

They can also be used by people pretending to be their partner.  Think "mate crime" for relationships. http://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/14/learning-disabilities-mate-crime

So what's better, to have no relationship or an abusive/unhappy one?  I know "the grass is always greener", but you should never generalise or make assumptions.

Someone with ASC can have no trouble getting a relationship but have great difficulty in maintaining it and could have one after the other of disastrous experiences.

The rates of divorce are something like 80%+ in ASC/NT marriages as well.  Then there is the issue of producing children with ASC which makes life a whole bundle more stressful and impacts marriages.

Aspie burnout is probably way higher in ASC people trying to maintain a marriage, especially when children are involved.  A mental breakdown can be caused by the expectations of relationships.

For someone with ASC, especially a female who is usually expected to perform the running of the house, ASC can place a huge strain on both the relationship and the individual because it can be nigh on impossible to keep up to expectations.

A relationship is not the be-all-and-end-all.  Often-times people with conditions like ASC are better alone.

Those trite sayings like "another person completes you" or "my other half" are so unrealistic.  Unless you find peace with yourself, find out who you really are and are at least content with who you are, you are ill-advised to be in a relationship.  And if someone classes themselves as a "freak" do they really want to be procreating future generations of "freaks"?

I can relate to Jack's concerns, for I have Aspergers and OCD, and would like to meet someone. My issues are compounded by being gay and asexual, and I really struggle to make meaningful friendships.

Although I have developed socially since leaving school and University, school was where you made friendships; and having now left the world of education, where do I make friends?.

I do attend an Asperger social group, but most of the people who attend are men (a problem for lesbians!), and there is little in the way of connection between us in any case. Either they function at a lower level than me,  do not undertstand my issues (AS empathy problems), or invade my personal space!.

It is all too easy for people who have been there and got the t-shirt to tell those who are starting out that they should not worry, it will happen in the end. As Longman points out, this is little help in the here and now, when the person concerned has very real doubts, and fears that they will always be alone.

Social relationships are so very important for most human-beings, people with Aspergers included;and if your disability prevents you from attaining them, serious mental health issues can occur.

As to the tourettes, over the years I've met a small number of people with this who seemed just to get on with it and have a laugh about it.

But of course my experience may not be representative. Obviously I wasn't meeting those with tourettes who didn't brazen it out, and indeed those who do may be quite rare.

I don't know if Jack is considering meeting girls in pubs.....

I'll not even try to pretend I know where youing people go to socialize now, because it is very different from "my day".

I've never been much of a drinker, kept off it for years, and now have a beer and then water for a while, then a beer. Alcohol didn't relax me it confused me and made things worse.

Also I initially avoided crowded pubs and went to quiet ones, where I'd sit on my own the whole time. I think I give off warning messages - miserable git - don't approach. Also I tire quickly and dissociate and look out of it.

Sometimes I got adopted by the wilder bunch in a pub, which gave me some social connectivity, but then found that my association meant no-one else would talk to me. The wild group are usually the ones (well in those days anyway) making audible comments about females in the bar, and were of course the least successful at meeting the opposite sex.

After a while I found the best technique was to stay near the bar and get on well with the bar staff. People come and go, and it is easier to get a conversation going with people passing. You are more likely to meet people you want to meet that way.

The problem for me is difficulty with eye contact. I can look at someone in the face, usually the mouth, but cannot engage eyes. This means I can catch someone's attention to begin chat but talking closer to someone my lack of eye contact, timing and clumsiness quickly end things.

Engaging in more than social contact involves body language rather than speech, so if you are on the spectrum that is always going to be difficult.

If you can find a regular social companion who understands your predicament, they can help you meet girls and give you some support by keeping things going.

Also some people can manage by conversation alone. I recall being in a pub with someone who engaged two girls in a long conversation about a globe he had showing the British Empire in red. And another conversation I witnessed where a friend engaged a girl, who was dressed to kill, in a very long conversation about chess (but she did get bored in the end).

You will hear lots of stories about technique. I think very few people are successful at "chatting up" but they also seem to be the ones who never settle down, so having that supposed gift may not extend to follow-up. So don't be envious of people who seem to be good at it - if they were they'd be married and stuck at home, at best engaging in dinner parties for two couples.

Also some people don't know when to give up. I was quite shocked to see a pub companion years ago trying to chat to a very attractive girl, being constantly ignored and put down, and keeping on trying when it was futile. He had not before struck me as someone who would have any difficulty. But he was just star struck to the point of idiocy.

Where do we stand with Aspie social groups at the moment? I joined one where I used to live until a year ago, but it fizzled out, largely because there was no-one to organise it, and hardly anyone was turning up.

I believe there are some thriving Aspie social groups, but most areas of the country have little or nothing.

How does someone find out? The NAS lists include groups that are just nominal, or not currently active.

It's important that OP understands that despite his condition, his age is not one to be panicking about not being in a relationship in.

I was not brushing off his concerns as your reply seems to imply Longman.

For anyone, NT or otherwise, pressuring yourself to be in a relationship is almost guaranteed to make it not happen or to end up with the wrong person.  OP needs to find a socialising opportunity where he feels comfortable (such as the Aspie social group I suggested) and let things happen naturally.  People on the spectrum do have relationships and do get married and have children - otherwise where would all these new autistic children be coming from!

Despite what you say, angst about the opposite sex (or same if that's your thing) is common in teenagers as they are not yet adults, full of hormones and still finding out who they are.

Of course this is complicated if you have a disability, but someone needs to get socialising experience and try to feel comfortable in their own skin (i.e. not labelling themselves as a freak) before they are going to be relationship material.

Having  to counsel young people having difficulties, one thing I've realised is that it doesn't help to say you have years ahead of you to sort things out.

A classic line I found colleagues doing was to say to a distressed student, why don't you let these things rest until after you've finished your degree.

Whoa....when you've only lived 18 or 19 years, two or three years ahead is a long time. It is easy for older people to have hindsight. But for most young people the immediacy of a conflict makes things they might get used to by the time they are forty into real life and death issues.

It must be particularly bad to have a socially undermining disability on top. I say this because I cannot compare my own situation - I had staggered development, for want of a better word - I don't think puberty happened until late twenties, so relationships weren't such an issue for me, other things were.

From a counselling point of view, I've found these things have to be addressed somehow quickly, especially from an academic point of view, if it is undermining a student's degree progress. Conventional romantic issues you can get students to see advisers, or actually talk over the perspectives, or go find them books or websites.

But with Aspergers and Tourettes combined, I really wish there was better advice around. There always seems to be a problem where disability arises, especially where behavioural issues are involved, people still seem to think you shouldn't be forming relationships. But if anything you should, just because it might help.

Can you develop friendships through on-line chat rooms? Do these help you explore the issues?  The barriers are actually meeting someone and either not mentioning the problems until they surface awkwardly, or explaining up front, and watching them step back and go all quiet on you. But within a social chat room environment you can at least explore some of the issues before actually meeting someone, not necessarily someone you've chatted to on line. Just that you've sorted out some concerns and reduced the stress maybe.

Also social chat rooms include people with disabilities, and some are quite up front about these. After all you are often using a "nom de plume"/user name, so as you aren't telling people who you are, you can experiment with saying that you have aspergers and tourrettes, and seeing how people react on line.

Finally, even if you are not a student, some university campuses have events that are suitable for disabled students, that you could attend as an outsider, worth looking into this. You might find if you are near a university or college where events are available where you could meet people with less tension about disability.

Keep this thread going and let people know how you get on. There must be others in similar situations. By airing the difficulties on here, that's a way of sorting out your ideas and it helps everyone else as well.

Don't worry Jack, I understand that at your age it's natural to be seeking a relationship but you are so young and have many years to sort that stuff out.  Even NTs are still finding themselves at that age and don't settle into relationships until they are older and that's if they even find someone.

Don't let your Asperger's hold you back.  You could join a social group for Aspies (you can search on the NAS website for what is in your area) so that you would feel less different.