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Stealing teen

NAS88991
over 1 year ago
  • Hey all, I'm new! My 13 YO has just got a diagnosis, and his behaviours ahve has triggered some safeguarding issues. We have had alot of intervention, and input recently with him. We thought we had settled things, but have just discovered he has stolen a large sum of cash from us ( he has stolen from us, and from others in the past). He has used the cash to buy fiends stuff ( vaoes). 
  • I'm struggling to know how to deal with this effectively, in light of his new diagnosis. So far, we have confiscated all vape, he's obviously grounded. He has no remorse. It's hard! 
  • Any helpful suggestions would be appreciated! 
Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    I would consider a 2 pronged approach.

    1 - lay down the ground rules explicitly, in writing so he has no excuse to not know them. Also lay down the ground rules for punishments for breaking the rules.

    Some people are not a fan of punishments but it sounds like you have serious boundary issues with him so having boundaries that bite seems the only way to get him to respect them.

    For punishments, look at what he really likes and values. Is he a big user of his phone / lablet / computer? If so consider ways of taking these off him except in approved times and always under supervision to make it hurt. Remind him that if he follows the rules then this won't happen.

    2 - Get him a therapist to deal with are probably self esteem issues. He is clearly valuing approval from others over the family and punishments. It may be something different but the therapist should be able to sniff this out.

    As an autist and a teen I think lack of remorse is quite common. Part is that the brain has not developed the cause / effect relationships that should be triggered by his actions and part is that he is 13 - most have some rebellion in their blood at this age. Add in the lack of awareness of social rules (the autistic part of the brain) and you have an unholy trinity of factors.

    That would be my opinion anyway but it isn't very woke.

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