Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I have no idea where to even start here.
The last couple of months have been a bit of a rollercoaster, I'm still trying to get my head around recently being diagnosed Autistic at 52. I self identify with ADHD as well, but haven't been officially diagnosed with that at this point.
I've always felt different and struggled to fit in, always been the on the outside and the analogy of feeling like an alien on a different planet certainly makes sense to me. Over the years I can see how well I've camouflaged but as a result I'm really struggling to find the real me - paradoxically, I'm now recognising a lot of autistic traits that have always been there whilst simultaneously experiencing imposter syndrome. It feels like a lot to get my head around at the moment.
My wife and I recently emigrated from the UK to Ireland, but oh wow, have I struggled to adjust. Don't get me wrong, it's amazing and a privilege to be living here, the slower pace of life feels such a relief, but apart from predominantly speaking english and driving on the left, the culture is very different. I suffered from a deep depression a year after arriving and retrospectively now understand why - all the camouflaging skills I've developed over the years don't work well due to the cultural differences and as a result I've been feeling utterly lost and isolated.
I'm sure my story is similar to most peoples experiences on here, extensive bullying, isolation, discrimination, not being heard, etc. i won't go into my life at this point, except to say I'm dealing with a diagnosis at the same time as a close family bereavement so my mind is all over the place, so please be gentle.
Hoping to be an active part of the community here, apologies if this post waffles on, or isn't too well written, I'm trying to learn to just get it out there rather than spend a couple hours reading, adjusting, rereading and readjusting...[ironically, I've just spent 10 minutes on whether to include the bit about reading and adjusting, so er, yeh. I'm just going to post this.]
Thanks for taking the time to read if you got this far :o)
Welcome Oslo, I am Number.
There is no doubt in my mind that you will like it in this place, so congratulations for finding it and now for saying hello.
You are very welcome here and many of us are 50+ and late diagnosed / identified, so all of what you have written above is "old hat" and entirely resonant with a huge proportion of this place.
Having a "mind all over the place" is most certainly my reality, most of the time. When its not, it is laser focused. Confusing for both me and everyone around me ! Welcome to the WTAF club.
I look forward to bumping into you again on the pages.
Kindest regards, and with sincere condolences for your recent loss - that simply befuddles everything beyond tolerances - but it does get easier - just keep yourself sane!
Hi Number,
Thanks for the welcome and words of condolence, it's reassuring to know there are a few of us over 50's on here and tbh, that my experience isn't unique.
It made me laugh to be welcomed to the WTAF club, I think that's the perfect name for it at the moment (I've been thinking of writing a blog about this journey, but haven't got past a title for it (can't start until I have a name for it) would you mind if I used "Welcome to the WTAF Club'? (With credit to you for it of course lol)
Doing my best to be gentle on myself and keep sane, as you say. I'm glad to have the diagnosis and know what I'm dealing with now, that feels like 9/10's of the battle, a lot of unravelling to do, but at least I know what knot I'm untangling :)