Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I have no idea where to even start here.
The last couple of months have been a bit of a rollercoaster, I'm still trying to get my head around recently being diagnosed Autistic at 52. I self identify with ADHD as well, but haven't been officially diagnosed with that at this point.
I've always felt different and struggled to fit in, always been the on the outside and the analogy of feeling like an alien on a different planet certainly makes sense to me. Over the years I can see how well I've camouflaged but as a result I'm really struggling to find the real me - paradoxically, I'm now recognising a lot of autistic traits that have always been there whilst simultaneously experiencing imposter syndrome. It feels like a lot to get my head around at the moment.
My wife and I recently emigrated from the UK to Ireland, but oh wow, have I struggled to adjust. Don't get me wrong, it's amazing and a privilege to be living here, the slower pace of life feels such a relief, but apart from predominantly speaking english and driving on the left, the culture is very different. I suffered from a deep depression a year after arriving and retrospectively now understand why - all the camouflaging skills I've developed over the years don't work well due to the cultural differences and as a result I've been feeling utterly lost and isolated.
I'm sure my story is similar to most peoples experiences on here, extensive bullying, isolation, discrimination, not being heard, etc. i won't go into my life at this point, except to say I'm dealing with a diagnosis at the same time as a close family bereavement so my mind is all over the place, so please be gentle.
Hoping to be an active part of the community here, apologies if this post waffles on, or isn't too well written, I'm trying to learn to just get it out there rather than spend a couple hours reading, adjusting, rereading and readjusting...[ironically, I've just spent 10 minutes on whether to include the bit about reading and adjusting, so er, yeh. I'm just going to post this.]
Thanks for taking the time to read if you got this far :o)
Oslo, that's great news!
Keep dropping in to the forum; the members here have a wealth of experience to share.
Ben
Hi Nas88715,
Thanks for the welcome! great to hear that you're already liking it here, I always find it daunting putting myself out there so it's reassuring that you're enjoying it here. Look forward to chatting to you anytime
Hiya, thanks for the welcome and the compliments, nice to know I've landed in the right place! Cheers!
Hello,welcome!i am aslo new here,but I already like this forum, I feel that you can find good friends here
Hi Outcat,
Thanks for your message, almost a neighbour in Kildare! 30 years in Latin America sounds like quite the story
Sorry to hear you've found it difficult here too, I know what you mean about acquaintances vs friends, there seems to be loads of community groups for support, but once outside of that activity? Not so much for sure. I don't know how it is in Kildare, but the rural population in Sligo is very sparse, wonderful for quiet days, but very isolating at the same time.
I hope you're doing ok with your diagnosis - I'm finding it hard in my 50's, I can imagine it's even tougher in your 60's - especially having read and identified over 40 years ago. I think society has a lot of catching up to do still.
I agree with regards the level of support in Ireland, I've tried speaking to local services here, when I got in touch with the community mental health and autism support service, I was told it only covers mental health. Cue another number for 'Autistic services' to find they don't support adults. I've then been bounced around from department to department (literally in circles) without any result. Guess we'll have to get it going ourselves. :)
Hi Number,
Thanks for the welcome and words of condolence, it's reassuring to know there are a few of us over 50's on here and tbh, that my experience isn't unique.
It made me laugh to be welcomed to the WTAF club, I think that's the perfect name for it at the moment (I've been thinking of writing a blog about this journey, but haven't got past a title for it (can't start until I have a name for it) would you mind if I used "Welcome to the WTAF Club'? (With credit to you for it of course lol)
Doing my best to be gentle on myself and keep sane, as you say. I'm glad to have the diagnosis and know what I'm dealing with now, that feels like 9/10's of the battle, a lot of unravelling to do, but at least I know what knot I'm untangling :)
Hi Autonomistic,
Thanks for the welcome and words of condolence, it's been a time, that's for sure, reflecting on life's experiences through the lens of autism is making a lot of sense, mourning the loss of my Dad is a tough one through the same lens. We didn't always have an easy relationship, to realise that a significant chunk of that friction was probably down to me being autistic makes it...well it doesn't make it easier, but sure it will be in time.
Hey Oslo. Hello and just all when they say that you are very much not alone here!! Your writing is impeccable, very concise and highly relatable. Hang in there mate
Hi Ben,
Thanks for your message and welcome onto the rollercoaster, I agree, knowledge is key and certainly provides reassurance. - I've been reading widely and am finding it amazing how many answers to life long questions are being answered - things that didn't fit before now seem to be slotting into place.
Thanks Debbie :)
Hi Pegg,
Thanks for the kind words of welcome :)
I moved to Ireland (Kildare) three and a half years ago, from Latin America where I lived for over thirty years. I'm originally from Scotland. I too have found it difficult here. I have made lots of acquaintances through two walking clubs that I joined, but no friends as yet. I left many friends behind when I moved here. At the moment I'm just coming to terms with my diagnosis at age 64. I have been in pursuit of it since Lorna Wing's book came out in 1981, but could never tick all the right boxes. Now that there's evidence for a female autistic phenotype suddenly I'm in a club I've been trying to be a member of for 42 years! Huge relief. Back to Ireland. It seems to me there's very little support for autists here and I'm using several U.K. sites to inform myself. Scotland seems to be fairly in the vanguard. I wish Ireland would catch up.
Welcome Oslo, I am Number.
There is no doubt in my mind that you will like it in this place, so congratulations for finding it and now for saying hello.
You are very welcome here and many of us are 50+ and late diagnosed / identified, so all of what you have written above is "old hat" and entirely resonant with a huge proportion of this place.
Having a "mind all over the place" is most certainly my reality, most of the time. When its not, it is laser focused. Confusing for both me and everyone around me ! Welcome to the WTAF club.
I look forward to bumping into you again on the pages.
Kindest regards, and with sincere condolences for your recent loss - that simply befuddles everything beyond tolerances - but it does get easier - just keep yourself sane!
Welcome to the community
Condolences on your recent bereavement. It must be incredibly tough going through that at the same time as trying to process your diagnosis. I hope that being here is helpful to you.
Oslo,
I was diagnosed ASD three years ago aged 67, so know all about the rollercoaster of which you speak, as do others here.
Just take your time, it will start to make sense soon.... wonderful sense. Read the forums and read books - you'll find many recommended by members here.
Old puzzles will become clear as ancient angst begins to resolve (Well, it has for me) Knowledge is the key, it seems.
Welcome to the forum,
Welcome
Hello Oslo,
Welcome! I haven't been here long myself, but find this to be a wonderful community, where people are supportive and kind.
I.hope you enjoy your time here
Pegg