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Failed relationships - I think I have adult autism

Dave
over 1 year ago

Hello, my name is Dave and I'm 36.

I've had a series of failed relationships in my adult life, ending early on (2-3 month) and each have ended suddenly with reasons similar, that I say things that put the other person down. Little things that add up. Or that I don't ask about the other person or consider them like I should. in my own mind I feel I am considerate at the time and don't realise, but on reflection now I can understand the way I can make a partner feel. But each have always made the point that I have a heart of gold and that I am a good man. I want to be clear that I am a good person and would never intentionally do anything to hurt anyone in any way. 

I write now after researching and realising that I believe I am autistic.

I cried tears of relief and understanding whilst reading an article online explaining autism in a relationship and I've now found this board to talk about it. It's not just relationships I seemingly struggle with, I don't like group socialising, i home in on specific things I enjoy and over-talk about them. For example, I recently found a love for gardening and I now realise its because it calms me inside and takes away the world. I find comfort in dogs. I'm convinced dogs can sense my mind and they usually always want to be next to me to comfort me, even the kind of dogs that don't crave attention with other people. 

I also love cars and although I've never had any mechanics training, I can diagnose and fix them and enjoy doing this with my car. The same goes with things in the house. I've diagnosed and fixed boilers amongst other things. I'm very practical and take lots of satisfaction in finding solutions. My mind won't rest until normal order is resumed, no matter what that may be. Consistency is everything to me. 

I have a very very mentally challenging job, which involves rapid problem solving at a high level with consequences, and I excel in this. My mind is suited perfectly to this role and I now add that into the mix as to why I'm very good at that, but can't make a friend or socialise easily. I like my own company and doing things my way. I will plan everything, for example I feel like I have to plan a day out and leave no stone unturned so I know what to expect. Whilst saying all this, I crave to be happy in a relationship and would love my own family and I hope now with this realisation that I can explain all this to a future partner who is willing to understand, help and accept that this doesn't make up the person that I am, I just simply do and say things a little differently. 

I have a 7 year old niece who is autistic and still non-verbal and it's through her that my very first realisation came, but I never explored it until I received further recent truths from another recent failed relationship and now everything just seems to make sense. 

I'm waffling now, as I tend to do! 

I am going to explore receiving a diagnosis and the thought of this makes me feel relief inside.

I just wanted to post this and get the relief of writing that I believe I am autistic. If anyone can relate or offer advice, please feel free to respond. 

Thanks for reading. 

Dave

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    Hello Dave, I am Number.

    Welcome to the Dog Appreciation Society.  All I'll say on that matter is that dogs are wonderful and can communicate with me - and me with them - without all the human nonsense that complicates matters beyond belief.  I'm also a life long member of "All Animals seem better and easier than humans society."

    I can relate to all that you have written above.  The relief is outstanding isn't it !!  I found that a "calm" soon followed that has perpetuated and enabled my life to become SO much more bearable and enjoyable.  I still have all the same struggles and limitations and victories and strengths......but now I'm not constantly thinking "what the hell is wrong with me"?  I now know the answer is "Nowt!"

    If you would like a little advice, [bit of a hot topic that one, due to the recent introduction of Rule 13 on this forum], I would suggest that you don't rush headlong into thinking that a formal diagnosis will actually make that much of a difference to your head or your life.  There are differing opinions that are often expressed in this place about the importance and impact, or otherwise, of seeking a formal dx.

    I do suggest that you use the archive in this place (use the magnifying glass search icon above) to read the many thousands of responses and ideas that have been expressed here by the multitudes over many years on the important things that currently occupy your brain.  Although the "search functionality" is very ZX Spectrum-esque, it is worth persevering in my opinion.

    Anyway, good to have you here and I hope you will find this place a regular and rewarding haunt.

    Very best wishes,

    Number.

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    Hello Dave, I am Number.

    Welcome to the Dog Appreciation Society.  All I'll say on that matter is that dogs are wonderful and can communicate with me - and me with them - without all the human nonsense that complicates matters beyond belief.  I'm also a life long member of "All Animals seem better and easier than humans society."

    I can relate to all that you have written above.  The relief is outstanding isn't it !!  I found that a "calm" soon followed that has perpetuated and enabled my life to become SO much more bearable and enjoyable.  I still have all the same struggles and limitations and victories and strengths......but now I'm not constantly thinking "what the hell is wrong with me"?  I now know the answer is "Nowt!"

    If you would like a little advice, [bit of a hot topic that one, due to the recent introduction of Rule 13 on this forum], I would suggest that you don't rush headlong into thinking that a formal diagnosis will actually make that much of a difference to your head or your life.  There are differing opinions that are often expressed in this place about the importance and impact, or otherwise, of seeking a formal dx.

    I do suggest that you use the archive in this place (use the magnifying glass search icon above) to read the many thousands of responses and ideas that have been expressed here by the multitudes over many years on the important things that currently occupy your brain.  Although the "search functionality" is very ZX Spectrum-esque, it is worth persevering in my opinion.

    Anyway, good to have you here and I hope you will find this place a regular and rewarding haunt.

    Very best wishes,

    Number.

Children