Failed relationships - I think I have adult autism

For me, personally, I mostly struggle with the balance between not being to clingy/ demanding and making sure that my opinions, thoughts and feelings are expressed and known.

I also struggle hugely with knowing when my boyfriend is upset with something I have said. He doesn't want to tell me, because it makes me cry to know that I have hurt him, but then him bottling it up makes it come out a couple of days later when he's angrier than he originally was. We are still trying to work on this as I obviously want him to voice any issues he has, but I can't stop myself from crying in those moments.

Thanks for reading and sharing your own story. I also struggle to process why things end in a relationship as I never understand, but now I'm beginning to realise I think differently and my brain works a different way. I think almost all of my relationships have ended because of traits I gave which I now suspect to be autism. Sometimes we have to go through a mental block when a seperation happens, but it doesn't last forever and someone new will come into your life. It's hard to let go initially, but if things don't work out then try take all the things you've learnt about yourself and with that person and put that into your next relationship.

Best of luck to you. 

Yeh definitely. I've felt relief and calm and it's great. Regardless of if you are diagnosed or not isn't as important as you being here sharing these life experiences so that we can all learn from and hopefully help create a better understanding.These real situations we get in produce effective ways to understand them

Hey Dave. I am not sure whether I am still in a `kind of` relationship or not??!!!! I get angry at the fact that this breakup could be down to my autism, as it has never been stated as such. I lovey girlfriend, and due to my loyalty am finding it hard to let those feelings go (-I am not a quitter??!!). I feel like I am sitting waiting for the next decision, from my gf, and I keep trying to tl myself that it shouldn`t be this way....I should be looking out for me and, if she decides that she still wants something between us then so be it....I just feel that I am the one that has made tngs go wrong (-although I suspect she is on the spectrum and is blaming me for things that have gone wrong in her life,,,,even before I came on the scene!!)....Anyway, blah, blah, blah......If  youo go for a diagnosis let us know which road you have chosen to go down and whether you have deemed it to be a worthy one...All the best mate

Thank you, it's even more relieving reading things on here. Feels calming. Appreciate your response :) 

Thank you for taking the time to read and understand.

Very best wishes to you too. 

Welcome Dave

I completely relate with your social difficulties and failed relationship situation. I never actually thought it could be me causing a break because I always got the "it's not you it's me" treatment but I deep down can see that my lack of filter can overwhelm / push people away. This ultimately leads to avoidance issues in part out of fears I will lose a bond.

This is a great place to be to share your struggles and see a wider perspective which is awesome! 

Hello Dave, I am Number.

Welcome to the Dog Appreciation Society.  All I'll say on that matter is that dogs are wonderful and can communicate with me - and me with them - without all the human nonsense that complicates matters beyond belief.  I'm also a life long member of "All Animals seem better and easier than humans society."

I can relate to all that you have written above.  The relief is outstanding isn't it !!  I found that a "calm" soon followed that has perpetuated and enabled my life to become SO much more bearable and enjoyable.  I still have all the same struggles and limitations and victories and strengths......but now I'm not constantly thinking "what the hell is wrong with me"?  I now know the answer is "Nowt!"

If you would like a little advice, [bit of a hot topic that one, due to the recent introduction of Rule 13 on this forum], I would suggest that you don't rush headlong into thinking that a formal diagnosis will actually make that much of a difference to your head or your life.  There are differing opinions that are often expressed in this place about the importance and impact, or otherwise, of seeking a formal dx.

I do suggest that you use the archive in this place (use the magnifying glass search icon above) to read the many thousands of responses and ideas that have been expressed here by the multitudes over many years on the important things that currently occupy your brain.  Although the "search functionality" is very ZX Spectrum-esque, it is worth persevering in my opinion.

Anyway, good to have you here and I hope you will find this place a regular and rewarding haunt.

Very best wishes,

Number.

Hi, thank you for reading and for replying. This is all so new to me and almost feel like my adult life is starting properly now.

Glad you enjoy dogs too, and it makes sense what you say about them never being able to react a certain way if words come out wrong. 

I will stay on this board for sure :)

Good luck to you also! 

Hello Dave, 

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your thoughtful and insightful post :) 

I am so pleased to hear that you've found relief in the potential that you've found some answers to help answer questions you have about your life. 

I also have a natural affinity with dogs, dogs are one of my special interests and I adore them all in every shape and size. They are the ultimate companion. I like them because our fondness for each other often goes both ways but it feels really uncomplicated, You can't say the wrong thing and upset a dog and they will never give you the cold shoulder. They just generally have good vibes. 

I hope you will find lots of interesting topics on this website to join in with - I know I have learned quite a lot about myself since signing up here. 

Good luck with your self exploration and hope to see you around!