Published on 12, July, 2020
I had thought about autism in myself for a long time before I was diagnosed - I picked up a book at work in 2017 called Aspie girls, and thought " oh my god this is me".
Fast forward 6 years, and since then my 11 year old child has been diagnosed, and once we got their diagnosis I made a self-referral to be assessed. At the age of 38 I received my diagnosis at the end of June 2023. I felt blank at first, and not good at all for the first two weeks or so after the diagnosis. I am a single parent to two children and so have had little time to process it. I feel like an imposter, but that is slowly starting to fade - I have started to read a little more about autism in women and found the videos of women/non-binary people's stories on this website really helpful. I wanted to go to a local support group yesterday but I didn't go - worrying that they wouldn't believe me and that it would be another place I wouldn't fit in.
When Iook back at my childhood, I can see a lot of the signs of autism, although I was masking a lot so it was still probably quite subtle to others. As an adult I feel that I am now the result of a lot of hard work to be socially acceptable for others. I work as a psychologist and the work and striving for this has burned me out. I am considering leaving but I don't know what else I would do. The day to day intense work with people has never been something I've enjoyed - I often fantasise about being a post person, and even applied for a job at the royal mail recently.
People think I am good socially, and a couple of people have commented that they wouldn't have thought I'd be autistic - this just makes me feel like more of an imposter.
I guess I'm wondering if other women have felt the same,and what your experiences are as an autistic woman - I'm trying to relate to something, and process my diagnosis.
Thanks for reading
I have discovered two and a half years on from my diagnosis that everyone has their own "flavour" of autism. I find people who share similar characteristics and experience but none which are exactly the same. People think i am good socially - and they are right - but it takes effort. Most people don't understand autism even though there's starting to be more awareness. There's often the idea that autistic people are too much or not enough. We can only be ourselves.
Thank you for your reply. Yes, it takes effort for me and certainly until my early 30s I really struggled,and I also do not have a group of friends and never have - I only see people 1:1. I often have to think in my head " ok what do I say now" and have just borrowed what I think are socially acceptable things to say without sometimes really thinking about what the person has said, if that makes any sense!
thank you :) I will
It all makes sense. Give yourself a username and hang around on these pages, there are friendly people! You might see a bit of yourself in others. It takes time to integrate a diagnosis.