Published on 12, July, 2020
I had thought about autism in myself for a long time before I was diagnosed - I picked up a book at work in 2017 called Aspie girls, and thought " oh my god this is me".
Fast forward 6 years, and since then my 11 year old child has been diagnosed, and once we got their diagnosis I made a self-referral to be assessed. At the age of 38 I received my diagnosis at the end of June 2023. I felt blank at first, and not good at all for the first two weeks or so after the diagnosis. I am a single parent to two children and so have had little time to process it. I feel like an imposter, but that is slowly starting to fade - I have started to read a little more about autism in women and found the videos of women/non-binary people's stories on this website really helpful. I wanted to go to a local support group yesterday but I didn't go - worrying that they wouldn't believe me and that it would be another place I wouldn't fit in.
When Iook back at my childhood, I can see a lot of the signs of autism, although I was masking a lot so it was still probably quite subtle to others. As an adult I feel that I am now the result of a lot of hard work to be socially acceptable for others. I work as a psychologist and the work and striving for this has burned me out. I am considering leaving but I don't know what else I would do. The day to day intense work with people has never been something I've enjoyed - I often fantasise about being a post person, and even applied for a job at the royal mail recently.
People think I am good socially, and a couple of people have commented that they wouldn't have thought I'd be autistic - this just makes me feel like more of an imposter.
I guess I'm wondering if other women have felt the same,and what your experiences are as an autistic woman - I'm trying to relate to something, and process my diagnosis.
Thanks for reading
Yes! It sounds brilliant to me - I didn't hear back after I applied a few weeks ago. I do wonder what they made of my CV - all my experience is in psychology! Apart from my formative years of working in some bars, and a bingo hall! I would love to be on my feet and doing something practical. Best job I ever had was a healthcare assistant on a surgical ward - I love it. The other option I've considered is physiotherapy but I can't afford to retrain at the moment due to being the sole mortgage payer
thank you for replying :)
Hello thanks so much for the recommendations, and the validation - they did say that they don't give the diagnosis 'lightly' and given the amount of self-report and informant report info I provided, they said they felt fairly clear about it before the actual appointment!
Hello, thanks so much for taking the time to reply - I think I will buy aspie girls - I only read a few bits of it all those years ago. thanks for the recommendations :)
Congratulations on your diagnosis.
Lilpop said: I often fantasise about being a post person, and even applied for a job at the royal mail recently.
My autistic friend was once a software engineer but gave it up to become a post person.
He said that there are quite a few other posties who had careers but preferred what being a post person has to offer eg. not being in an office, usually solitary working, exercise, fewer responsibilities etc etc.
Hello Lilpop, your experience post diagnosis is a familiar one here.
There are one or two books that may fill in some gaps for you and help you feel less of an imposter:
Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome - Wylie, Philip_ Beardon, Luke_ Heath, Sara (2014)ISBN 9781849054331Understanding Autism For Dummies - Stephen Shore, Linda G. Rastelli, Temple Grandin (2006)ISBN 0764525476
The diagnostic process is very reliable and if you scored highly enough to be classified as autistic then I'm certain you are.
We all have some autistic traits at different intensities and it is this variability within the range that gives rise to the label of "being on the spectrum". Just because you are not like Elon Musk or the character in Rainman does not mean you are not autistc.
‘Aspie Girls’ and ‘How to be autistic’ are the primary-reasons for my screening-drive. But weirdly enough I’m a dude. It seemed to me that there were, many aspects of the AspieGirl subject, that could be better named as ‘AgreeableAspie’. Though there are obviously some themes that are sex-specific, I believe that having a middling EQ score, is to blame for a lot of missed-cases of those who are decisively-autistic.
But in regards to the second book I mentioned; Charlotte Amelia Poe if you ever read this I know you can’t measure prevention, but it is high-likely that you saved my life by publishing your story..
thank you :) I will
It all makes sense. Give yourself a username and hang around on these pages, there are friendly people! You might see a bit of yourself in others. It takes time to integrate a diagnosis.
Thank you for your reply. Yes, it takes effort for me and certainly until my early 30s I really struggled,and I also do not have a group of friends and never have - I only see people 1:1. I often have to think in my head " ok what do I say now" and have just borrowed what I think are socially acceptable things to say without sometimes really thinking about what the person has said, if that makes any sense!
I have discovered two and a half years on from my diagnosis that everyone has their own "flavour" of autism. I find people who share similar characteristics and experience but none which are exactly the same. People think i am good socially - and they are right - but it takes effort. Most people don't understand autism even though there's starting to be more awareness. There's often the idea that autistic people are too much or not enough. We can only be ourselves.