Published on 12, July, 2020
So this is really hard but on completion of the 6 mandatory ASD units, I felt like I was reliving my life. yes I am an educator but there were so many similarities for example, I struggle with both friendships and relationships, I don't link to be around to many people, I have become obsessed with education and connect to my autistic learners like I completely understand them, I am over empathetic, treat my children like my friends and feel I am completely different to many of my peers, on many occasions I struggled to complete courses and left, I cant watch anything bad on TV and I like bland food as strong smells make me sick.
I can only eat hot food and mainly hot drinks, I prefer the company of my pets and I over analyse everything, especially people and wonder what they think, or worry that they think I'm unusual.
I don't know what to do!
Hi cerimac. Welcome!
I hope you don't mind - I copied and pasted the reply I posted to Jenn as I don't want to type out all information again. It's relevant to you both...
One of the best resources for female and non-binary autistic people that I've found is Squarepeg :
https://squarepeg.community/podcast/
Amy, the creator, is a late diagnosed former teacher. Her podcast is now in season 8, so lots of episodes to choose from.
As for diagnosis, wait times are long as more and more people are becoming aware of autism and then questioning if they are. There are not enough assessors to keep up with demand. My son was diagnosed 18 years ago and the wait time was 6 months (it's meant to be 3 months). I was told wait times for my diagnosis would be 4 years in the area I live in. I decided to go private. This isn't possible for everyone, and it's perfectly fine for you to self-identify. The autism community that I know of does not discriminate against those that have a medical diagnosis and those that don't. However, you will not have legal protection as an autistic person without formal diagnosis. So you can take your time to research and see how you feel or go to your GP and try to get on a waiting list, depending on how you feel and what you want from diagnosis. Talking with your GP is the first step and it helps if you've made notes or have it clear in your mind why you believe you are autistic.
Hope that helps somewhat.
Hi Cerimac. Welcome!
I hope you don't mind - I have copied and pasted my reply to Jenn to save typing out all the information again:
One of the best resources for female and non-binary autistic people that I've found is Squarepeg : https://squarepeg.community/podcast/
As for diagnosis, wait times are long as more and more people are becoming aware of autism and then questioning if they are. There are not enough assessors to keep up with demand. My son was diagnosed 18 years ago and the wait time was 6 months (it's meant to be 3 months). I was told wait times for my diagnosis would be 4 years in the area I live in. I decided to go private. This isn't possible for everyone, and it's perfectly fine for you to self-identify. The autism community that I know of does not discriminate against those that have a medical diagnosis and those that don't. However, you will not have legal protection as an autistic person without formal diagnosis. So you can take your time to research and see how you feel or go to your GP and try to get on a waiting list, depending on how you feel and what you want from diagnosis.
cerimac1973 said:I like the isolation but really want to make connections. I made a new friend recently, but felt uncomfortable when she mentioned something negative about my daughters dad. I didn't contact her again.
I'm much the same - I prefer being alone but spend a lot of time online (at the moment on this site) trying to help others with their questions after being through my diagnosis 2 years ago.
What you feel about being alone is a very autistic preference. Many of us feel the same as we don't understand the rules around social interactions well and often end up looking odd or messing things up.
There is no quick fix for this - our brains developed differenty to most "normal" people (or neurotypicals as they are often referred to with us as neurodivergents) and we never developed the intrinsic connection that they have for being a part of a social group.
So we have to work harder at it IF we want to fit in. You don't need to but if you want to be a part of a bigger group who intrinsically think differently to you then learning the rules is a huge help.
There are a few books that are useful to read to decode this and have as a handy reference:
An Aspie's Guide to Making and Keeping Friends - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501259
Friendships The Aspie Way - Wendy Lawson (2006)ISBN-10: 1 84310 427 X
Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome - A Practical Guide to Day-to-day Life - Nancy J., Ph.D. Patrick (2008)ISBN 9781843108764
As you are probably aware, socialising can be exhausting so try to pace yourself when doing this and give plenty of time to recover afterwards.
As for your friend saying something negative about your daughter, while it may have been mean, that person may not have meant it that way or may also be lacking in social graces in the same way we are.
I tend to allow 3 mess ups like this before cutting someone out - after each time I ask them to explain what they meant (without getting confrontational, maybe ask more along the lines of asking what they had for lunch) and listening to their answer.
This approach tends to catch the mis-communications and if they say "well it's because your daughter is weird" then that is already strike 2.
Also, when they hit strike 3, explain to them why you are going to keep a distance. If they don't realise it is unacceptable to say what they did then they are likely to do the same to others.
Now, as for your daughter moving back home, this may be a more complicated situation. With autism being strongly linked to being genetic, there is a significant chance she may also be autistic and this is part of the reason she had to move back to the familiar environment of home.
I would try talking to her about why she moved back and see if she will talk about the triggers for it. If nothing else it will help you formulate a plan with her to get back out there in future and give you some peace.
I've rambled on enough for now - keep the questions coming and hopefully some of the other contributers will join in too.
Yes, I feel so alone, honestly, I work from home, on my laptop, I like the isolation but really want to make connections. I made a new friend recently, but felt uncomfortable when she mentioned something negative about my daughters dad. I didn't contact her again.
since then, I spend all of my time at home, or walking my dogs, my older daughter has just moved back, this has unsettled me, although I would not see her homeless
Hello cerimac1973, welcome to the club!
Everything you write about has connections with your autism in one way or another.
Are there any of these you would like to talk about or get help with? Beaking these down will make it a lot easier to discuss if that is what you want.
It's good to have you here amongst like minded people.