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Hi everyone

jpb
over 1 year ago

Hello, 

I’ve hummed and hawed about writing this for a while, I’m in my early 40s and recently discovered that there’s a high probability that I’m ASD. I was labelled as ADHD during primary school in the late 80s  and have always struggled socially and had an obsessive side to my personality. I’d always attributed this to my ADHD coming through to adulthood and not thought too much about it.

It wasn’t until my infant child begun to exhibit near identical traits, and a talented SENCO recommend that they be assessed. Through this assessment it became apparent that they had ASD and many of the markers he was exhibiting were things I displayed when younger or I continue to struggle with.

My child recently had their ASD diagnosis confirmed, I’ve not begun any assessment process due to the NHS wait times and prohibitive cost of private assessments and feel somewhat reluctant to do so, maybe out of fear of it becoming official or the redundant nature of it all, who knows.

So I guess this is my first step of reaching out as I’m battling with the guilt of putting this burden on my child (as I fear him sharing the schooling, professional and social difficulties I’ve experienced), and also look to find help and solace in understanding how other people have found coping mechanism with things.

Anyway hello everyone, and sorry for rambling on

  • over 1 year ago

    Sounds like you might well be right in your own self assessment.

    Welcome. 

    Please don't worry about "putting the burden" on your kid. Being Autistic in a world that isn't build for us is tough. But there is nothing "wrong" with us per se. We are are born perceiving stuff differently and when nurtured have a lot to give.

    Your child is mega lucky. They have you to guide them through. An early diagnosis and an understanding (possible also Autistic) parent can set any Autistic kid down the right path.

    There are many neurodivergent people on my dad's side of the family. We can track it to my Grandad (born 1895) who was almost certainly dyslexic (couldn't read despite being incredibly intelligent and my aunts said it was "like he was trying backward"), and potentially also Autistic (plenty of character traits that may have warranted a diagnosis). He didn't burden me with anything. He gifted me something.

    I'm 58. Things have been hard as a dyslexic and long undiagnosed Autistic person, but gloriously rewarding too.

  • over 1 year ago

    Hi and welcome to the community. I hope you'll get a lot of support and help here.

    One thing from my own personal experience growing up was how alone I felt and still feel to the extent I would have loved for my mum to be autistic as well. 

    So maybe your child would be relieved knowing you might be autistic as well? :) 

    It might be something you can talk about and see how they feel about it.

  • over 1 year ago

    And hello to you too! Wave
    Sounds like a lot to be dealing with at the moment, nothing quite hits like guilt over one’s children. 
    I’m 42 and only got diagnosed last year. The changes/ realisations in that time have been immense, but I’m grateful that I have a definitive diagnosis after a lifetime of wondering what the hell was wrong with me and why everything seemed so darn difficult. 
    Anyway, I’m sure you will find the forum useful, and well done for reaching out. Slight smile

  • over 1 year ago

    Welcome to the community, J! 

    I'm only just starting the diagnosis process myself. I hope you find these threads helpful.