Published on 12, July, 2020
My son was diagnosed with ASD in November 2022, aged 18 after a long very stressful 10 year process involving CAHM’s for a number years.
He started University in September 2022, and unfortunately because his official diagnoses has taken so long, he’s basically had zero support from his University since he started in September.
He’s really struggling, his made no friends, he want ask for help and he’s convinced he’s going to fail the first year and he’s the going to be £13K in debt for being a failure.
He’s not really capable for applying for a job or even holding down a part time job.
It makes me sad because he’s sad and he thinks the easiest solution is to kill himself because he’s such a failure. He’s such a bright boy but because of his ASD. He struggles with independent learning, speaking to new people and general life admin. He gets frustrated and angry and it causes so much tension in lives.
I just want him to be happy, I just don’t know what I can do for him and I’m worried about he failing the first year at Uni and how much he will be in as a result. I’m trying to get some additional support have DSA but it’s just too late now for his first year
You might need to get more actively involved if he won't or can't self advocate. Unless he would be too upset by that, but he should be encouraged to not just carry on in his current state.
He should probably consider some kind of pause and retake the first year if possible. Is the subject right for him? Often people make a choice which is not right for them - I did for sure. I signed up for Geology, but should have switched to archaeology. I ended up having to end my studies, when I should have been advised to pause them instead, because I got really ill and ended up with a lifelong physical disability. It might have been partially caused by the stress of being in the wrong course and although I did try to do something about it was too difficult, especially when I was ill. I did eventually get a degree, but it was more complicated, fortunately my parents helped me a lot. And a friend's son started out doing engineering but didn't get on with it and had to take a break but now he has nearly finished a degree in dentistry and is much happier with that choice.
But even if he does like his subject, he might be better off restarting, then he will know what to expect and be calmer about it and possibly more able to make friends. I found freshers' week the easiest time to make friends as everyone is in the same boat, alone and wanting to find friends. Societies is a good place to find friends, when I was at uni there were loads of obscure and geeky societies which probably attract the neurodivergent!