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17 year old son and at my wits end

NAS77635
over 1 year ago

My son refuses to go to school and to discuss what’s going on, he will not listen to his parents and is hugely disrespectful in the process. I have walked on egg shells for years and I’m totally at a loss as to what to do. He puts unrealistic pressure on himself.

He is currently trying to implement an extreme lifestyle routine that he has come across online. It is causing huge disruption and is ultimately affecting his ability to attend school, even though the aim of it (in his mind) is to improve himself and enable him to be at school.  He feels the need to get up a 2.45am to do everything he needs to do in a day so that he can clear his mind and focus.  However, on the days he fails to do this, he has to write that day off and not go to school as his anxieties are too high. 
 
Both my husband and myself have spoken to him about this several times in terms of how unrealistic and unpractical it is. We have also tried to explore less extreme routines to help him achieve the same results but he will no longer engage with us on the subject and will not listen to anything we say.
I am at a loss as to what to do and wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience they could share? 
Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    Your son does seem driven to succeed at great personal cost.

    To some extent I was like that when younger. I developed a routine of studying through the night until around 4am or later. I found those quiet still hours far easier to achieve a focus without noise or interruptions. All or nothing is very much the autistic way, intense focus on what interests us for hours at a time.

    The prescribed school way of learning may not suit your son. It sounds as if he is experimenting to find ways that work better for him. As long as he is able to access the course materials then missing some school is unlikely to harm his results. Schools are largely unsuitable environments for autistic people and can actually be damaging.

    It is important that he learns his limits. If he won't listen to anyone then he'll have to learn the hard way unfortunately. Getting into a burnout cycle isn't good longer term. He is young and may be able to bounce back quickly but the more those cycles continue the harder that will become. A major burnout can take a very long time to recover from and may result in permanent regression of skills.

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  • over 1 year ago

    Your son does seem driven to succeed at great personal cost.

    To some extent I was like that when younger. I developed a routine of studying through the night until around 4am or later. I found those quiet still hours far easier to achieve a focus without noise or interruptions. All or nothing is very much the autistic way, intense focus on what interests us for hours at a time.

    The prescribed school way of learning may not suit your son. It sounds as if he is experimenting to find ways that work better for him. As long as he is able to access the course materials then missing some school is unlikely to harm his results. Schools are largely unsuitable environments for autistic people and can actually be damaging.

    It is important that he learns his limits. If he won't listen to anyone then he'll have to learn the hard way unfortunately. Getting into a burnout cycle isn't good longer term. He is young and may be able to bounce back quickly but the more those cycles continue the harder that will become. A major burnout can take a very long time to recover from and may result in permanent regression of skills.

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