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Finally Saying Hi

BlendedSpob
over 1 year ago

I was formally diagnosed some time last year. 46, male. I have been lurking here since then, making the odd post, not quite sure what to do with myself.

I have imposter syndrome as is the way. But trying to solve it is a dead end.

I am somewhat at peace with the diagnosis, or maybe at truce, with a sortof "deal with it later" kind of arrangement, endlessly pushed back.. Thought the diagnosis would bring peace and assistance. Nope.

46, male. 3 degrees, no job, that kind of deal. Massive social phobia. Executive dysfunction. A wheel spinning in the mud. Lots of internalised self criticism.

I am, honestly very lonely, in a prison of sorts that I have always been in. Though there are cracks. Its been sad in my head for most of my life, so I try not to think about it. 

I have a girlfriend who is the kindest person I have met, and one friend.

Trying to build a jewellery business. Won't post the link, will seem like spam. That's my focus atm though. Self learning, trying  to get as good as I can. Dichotomy of control keeps me on the process, not outcome. Or I try.

I am a person of contrast. 

Anyway, that's probably enough for an intro.

I just wanted to say hi

Hi.

Spob.

  • over 1 year ago

    Hello Blended - I'm Number.  Excellent intro above, in my opinion.

    Lots of it resonates with me and my experiences - except the social phobia and not really yet being "at one" with your diagnosis.

    The chain of words that most hit my spot are;

    BlendedSpob said:

    Executive dysfunction. A wheel spinning in the mud. Lots of internalised self criticism.

    I am, honestly very lonely, in a prison of sorts that I have always been in. Though there are cracks

    I look forward to running into you more often.

    Kind regards - Number.

  • over 1 year ago in reply to Shardovan

    Hi Shardovan.

    Thank you very much for your reply and welcome.

    Yes, indeed, that makes perfect sense re imposter syndrome.. in my head it seems like I should be able to handle everything and "of course I can". It's when I am actually out there experiencing the anxiety and social difficulties, actually feeling the feelings (and the intensity) that I am more certain. I can't adequately model feelings with my mind, it seems!

    Thanks again for your welcome :)

  • over 1 year ago

    Hi Spob. A lot of that strikes a chord, thanks for sharing your situation. I got diagnosed at 44 last year so very similar situation, minus one of two big differences. Imposter syndrome is a pain but tends to come in when we’re a bit more cocooned and less disabled by our environment. As soon as we are again, certainty about diagnosis returns. Glad you’ve been finding the community helpful and I think it’s great that you said a belated ‘hello’ so we know you a little better. 

  • over 1 year ago

    Thanks, Mate. 

    I'm a Bum with a Degree, myself. It was only my family's hard work that kept me afloat. But it's never too late to learn.

    You are you. That's the most important thing to know.