Possibly an imposter?

Some of the assessment stories I’ve heard on here have been appalling. Even very recent ones. ‘You can’t be autistic because you have a friend and you looked me in the eye there. Next!’  So you’re right to mistrust the inconclusive verdict. 

I don't really have a problem with the verdict personally. I can accept that, at this remove, it may simply be impossible to make the diagnosis. They can't turn the clock back and observe me as a 4 year old, and I can't now give them the evidence of how I was then as I don't know that myself. There isn't an awful lot to go on and there are factors in my early development which may point to other causes (or not). I had problems early on, but there was no help in those days. Meltdowns were punished, so you have to work it out for yourself and eventually find your way in the world of others. I've not succeeded terribly well, but that's hardly surprising in the circumstances.

Inactive account said:

I can accept that, at this remove, it may simply be impossible to make the diagnosis.

Not at all.

I received an NHS diagnosis last year at 60.

Inactive account said:

They can't turn the clock back and observe me as a 4 year old, and I can't now give them the evidence of how I was then as I don't know that myself.

That won't matter.

My parents are no longer alive and I had no-one to act as a 'witness' to my childhood (although I have a good memory of it).

Part of my assessment was via tests.

Here's a link to a thread about this in case you would like to try one:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/28699/raads-r-diagnostic-scale

I had/have the same problem too, with form filling and trying to work out what the answer actually is.

I'd ask myself, how often do people ask me to be a bit quieter or speak up? People are quick enough to be critical of us Autists, so it's really an easier question than it first appears.

I do tests like that by doing all the easy questions first, then the more challenging ones. there were two on the NHS test that I was unhappy whether I'd answered correctly, but I scored high enough that it didn't really make any difference.

Since my score on the Asperger test site was within 2 points of the NHS test, I felt I had obtained a reliable indication overall.

Having this sort of complaint about the questions on the test is something that also resonates with me lmao, the pathological need for fairness and correctness than many of us share but NTs just think we're being arseholes about.

Thanks. I've taken a look at the test, but I find these things difficult. Take a statement like: "Sometimes I talk too loudly or too softly, and I am not aware of it." How could I ever answer that with a "yes" since, if I'm not aware of it, I wouldn't know whether I do. Just one example from many of how I tend to overthink things perhaps. It does look better than some other tests I've seen because it at least allows for someone having adapted their behaviour in adulthood. But I find a lot of the questions quite impossible to answer, as I don't feel I can evaluate my own behaviour, and I want to answer "I don't know" or "it depends" and can't come down on one side or the other. Also, I just don't have a good recollection of my childhood at all and, any sort of normal interaction with my peers would have been impossible due to relentless bullying. I don't know what sort of social interactions I might have preferred or avoided since they were practically denied to me, and the trauma has obliterated so much. This is going to make diagnosis difficult for me as I simply don't know how to answer these questions, so I'm probably not going there again.

Thanks. I've taken a look at the test, but I find these things difficult. Take a statement like: "Sometimes I talk too loudly or too softly, and I am not aware of it." How could I ever answer that with a "yes" since, if I'm not aware of it, I wouldn't know whether I do. Just one example from many of how I tend to overthink things perhaps. It does look better than some other tests I've seen because it at least allows for someone having adapted their behaviour in adulthood. But I find a lot of the questions quite impossible to answer, as I don't feel I can evaluate my own behaviour, and I want to answer "I don't know" or "it depends" and can't come down on one side or the other. Also, I just don't have a good recollection of my childhood at all and, any sort of normal interaction with my peers would have been impossible due to relentless bullying. I don't know what sort of social interactions I might have preferred or avoided since they were practically denied to me, and the trauma has obliterated so much. This is going to make diagnosis difficult for me as I simply don't know how to answer these questions, so I'm probably not going there again.

I had/have the same problem too, with form filling and trying to work out what the answer actually is.

I'd ask myself, how often do people ask me to be a bit quieter or speak up? People are quick enough to be critical of us Autists, so it's really an easier question than it first appears.

I do tests like that by doing all the easy questions first, then the more challenging ones. there were two on the NHS test that I was unhappy whether I'd answered correctly, but I scored high enough that it didn't really make any difference.

Since my score on the Asperger test site was within 2 points of the NHS test, I felt I had obtained a reliable indication overall.

Having this sort of complaint about the questions on the test is something that also resonates with me lmao, the pathological need for fairness and correctness than many of us share but NTs just think we're being arseholes about.