Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi Everyone,
My husband, mid 40s, together for nearly 15 years, has just been diagnosed as having autism. I want to support him as best as possible, and also want to improve communication between us, but I am finding it difficult.
He is going through a lot trying to come to terms with and understand his diagnosis. He is experiencing a feeling of loss, some confusion and a lot of anger, and also reinterpreting many events/situations from the past through the lens of his diagnosis. We have always had some communication challenges and I think we are just starting to find out a big part of the 'why!' I've tried talking to my family and in counselling but am struggling to get others to understand how challenging this is for us. I want to help him but I'm not sure where to start.
Do you have any advice on things that family members/ partners can do (or not do) to support someone going through coming to terms with diagnosis as an adult? Are there resources that you can suggest?
And do you have any recommendations for books, websites, online communities or other resources for partners and families? I have done a big Google but not much is coming up that's helpful.
Thank you!
NAS83887,
In terms of researching Autism:
1. I find watching various you tubers gave me reassurance.
2. Being a member here really helped me feel part of an accepting community. On top of that there are many posts to look through on relationships/newly diagnosed and support links too.
3. Some folks here have recommended books which are also a good resource but make sure they are written by Autistic authors to get a true picture of what it is like to be Autistic. Non Autistic books about Autism tend to focus on the negatives which is upsetting and insulting for us.
With respect to your relationship:
1. You both have a new lens to view your relationship which will undoubtedly be tough but amazing too.
2. Give yourself time and space to process everything as I'm sure you will.
3. Try to accept the communication in your relationship may not always be straight forward but the strength is that you are both willing to try.
Take time to give yourself self care. Try talking with trusted folks to speak about how you really feel. Your husband will have much to process but may need space in which to do that.
I understand how communication can be tough in a marriage as I had the same challenges with my ex husband who I suspect is Autistic. I also think I am which's why I was drawn to him. Our daughter is diagnosed which has lead to Autism being a study subject for me.
Take care of yourself and thanks for reaching out on here.