Published on 12, July, 2020
Has anyone any experience of getting a puppy and child struggling!! My daughters 11 we did have a dog when she was younger who she was fine with but sadly we had to have her put to sleep as she was old. My daughter then developed a fear over the years of dogs, we have no idea where this came from. She did get slightly better and was ok with a neighbours dog and has been asking for a puppy for a while but I discouraged it knowing what a commitment they are and not knowing how she’d be but eventually we agreed to get one, we decided on a shih tzu as that’s what our neighbour has, and they’re not too big. Once home initial my daughter was fine but a day in she got really overwhelmed and stressed by the dog saying she felt scared but when I mentioned taking her back to the breeder she got really upset saying no, things got better the following day and her confidence grow and she seemed a lot better, then today the dog barked when playing (not loudly) but it really upset her and we’re back to square one. Everytime I suggest returning the dog she adamant that she wants to keep her and gets upset. Has anyone had a similar experience? I don’t want to return the puppy but obviously I don’t want my daughter feeling stressed all the time so will return her if need be, we got her from a good breeder so will understand. We are only 4 days in.
NAS51275 said:Having autism for me means that I cannot experience time. I understand the concept of time but
NAS51275 said:I do not know how 62 years have crept upon me in a living way,not just the way that neurotypicals will ask where the time has gone
Fascinating ! This topic has popped up elsewhere in a chat with "Snowman." Until that moment, I didn't realise it was a "thing" for some autistics. Thank you for mentioning that you also have a different time perception.
When my son's cat died it was a very hard experience. I am autistic and when the new cats were brought into the home I feared that they would also leave us. Animals can sense our fear. Anxiety is different for me because I am neurodiverse and both feel and express that in a way that neurotypicals do not understand. I do not know if it is the same for you,your daughter and your dog. For me, my son explained the things the cat did, bought the cat a tracker and showed me he knew where the cat was going to make me feel less fearful of loss. He still tells me- the cat is doing this because of this so that I do not worry about the cat. I do not need this explanation. I am very high functioning. However, it helps me calm my fear whenever there is that moment that catches me unaware and I think that the cat isn't coming back. Having autism for me means that I cannot experience time. I understand the concept of time but I need a visual reminder to know that years or days or minutes have gone . I do not know how 62 years have crept upon me in a living way,not just the way that neurotypicals will ask where the time has gone As has already been said - very complex situation that you have . Whatever you do I hope that your daughter experiences the love that animals give us and that you find a way forward for both the dog and your daughter to benefit from this awesome love. Sometimes not keeping the dog is the right answer. Sometimes compartmentalizing experience is a forward answer. I wish you all the best choices in the world to work through this difficult experience.
This is a very tricky one. 4 days isn't very long to try and assess a burgeoning relationship.
What is best for your daughter (in the short term) might be worse for her, the dog and everyone else - in the longer term.
Please try to consider the dog's happiness as an equal consideration to that of the humans.
If you and your daughter have tentatively started this relationship without 100% commitment to this relationship, the dog will know.
Thank you for raising your query so quickly [most do not.] If in doubt, the lesser of resultant harms is probably to hand the dog back promptly.
Needless to say, this is merely my opinion on a very complex matter. I wish you all (including the dog) well.