Published on 12, July, 2020
Past week or so, my anxiety and depression has gotten really bad. my friends are getting better jobs, starting relationships, buying homes and im the only one who hasn’t progressed since he was left school at 16. Im now 34.
I feel so humiliated and alone. I should be lucky I have friends, a job, I go out and I have family. I have a place I sleep at night and feel safe.
but then why do I feel like this. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to live (I won’t do anything, I just feel that way)
At Christmas I always feel alone and this year it’s gotten worse.
I don’t know what to do anymore lol. I can’t keep feeling like this.
Christmas is a trigger for me too because of many things but the main being that I have to pretend to be happy when I'm not always. It's draining. I also understand the feeling of comparing oneself to everyone elses supposedly perfect lives. What I've learned is that it's okay to be sad and tired even on Christmas. It's also okay to feel bad even when from the outside your life looks rosy. Perhaps you need to be honest and step back from some things if they feel too much to handle just now? I often feel overwhelmed when I am expecting too much of myself or think other people are. Maybe try to take time off work if possible and give yourself time to do nothing much to recover from things as it seems that everything is too much for you just now. I know I feel alone when I am hiding my struggles rather than allowing others to support me. Have you phoned Samaritans? I find them invaluable when I am unable to tell my friends and family about suicidal ideations. The community here have helped me in so many respects. Sending love and hugs.