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I hate myself

NAS83027
over 1 year ago

I just need to say this.

I hate myself. I hate the fact that I am not normal. I hate the fact that I don't understand sarcasm or jokes and I hate the fact that I seem to lack any sort of social awareness. 

If there was a cure for autism I would take it in a heart beat. I would love to be normal and not feel as though I am being awkward. Maybe I would make more friends, maybe I would feel happier inside, maybe I wouldn't feel like such a disappointment. Maybe I would feel better and not feel as thought I have to disclose it on job applications.

I always have at the back on my mind that if people knew I was autistic I wouldn't have a chance in having a job cause all they would see is the diagnosis.

I hope this hasn't offended anyone. 

I have never wrote on a platform like this I just needed to say something.

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    I can understand that feeling, I sometimes feel some self hatred, and feel useless and a failure etc.

    ultimately though I try to talk myself out of these very unhelpful thoughts. Thinking like that can only make life worse - and life is hard enough as it is. 

    sometimes it can help to write things down. For example - what are the good things about you - there must be some good qualities that you have. Are you caring? Kind? Do you have interests that fascinate you? Are you a loving son or father etc? What do you care about? 
    And if you can’t think of good things - think of the things you DON’T do. Buddhist teaching says that if you can’t go good then at least don’t do harm - because in a way that IS doing good.

    Try to tip the balance of your thinking into a more positive light if you can.

    Also try to do something - rather than dwell on these negative thoughts about yourself. Maybe rearrange your house or flat, or do some cooking, or go for a walk. 

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    I can understand that feeling, I sometimes feel some self hatred, and feel useless and a failure etc.

    ultimately though I try to talk myself out of these very unhelpful thoughts. Thinking like that can only make life worse - and life is hard enough as it is. 

    sometimes it can help to write things down. For example - what are the good things about you - there must be some good qualities that you have. Are you caring? Kind? Do you have interests that fascinate you? Are you a loving son or father etc? What do you care about? 
    And if you can’t think of good things - think of the things you DON’T do. Buddhist teaching says that if you can’t go good then at least don’t do harm - because in a way that IS doing good.

    Try to tip the balance of your thinking into a more positive light if you can.

    Also try to do something - rather than dwell on these negative thoughts about yourself. Maybe rearrange your house or flat, or do some cooking, or go for a walk. 

Children
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