Published on 12, July, 2020
I just need to say this.
I hate myself. I hate the fact that I am not normal. I hate the fact that I don't understand sarcasm or jokes and I hate the fact that I seem to lack any sort of social awareness.
If there was a cure for autism I would take it in a heart beat. I would love to be normal and not feel as though I am being awkward. Maybe I would make more friends, maybe I would feel happier inside, maybe I wouldn't feel like such a disappointment. Maybe I would feel better and not feel as thought I have to disclose it on job applications.
I always have at the back on my mind that if people knew I was autistic I wouldn't have a chance in having a job cause all they would see is the diagnosis.
I hope this hasn't offended anyone.
I have never wrote on a platform like this I just needed to say something.
I'm sorry you feel like this. I also struggle with being autistic, lonely and socially awkward. I don't know if we would be happier if we were neurotypical, though. There are just too many other factors to be able to tell.
Please don't feel like you're a disappointment. You're dealing with a lot. We all are, here. Please believe that things can get better. I try to believe that, although it's not always easy.
You don't have to disclose autism on job applications. The only reason it might be necessary at that stage is to claim adjustments in the interview process. You can disclose after you've got the job, or not at all. There's no legal or moral obligation to tell anyone unless you want support in the workplace.