I hate myself

I just need to say this.

I hate myself. I hate the fact that I am not normal. I hate the fact that I don't understand sarcasm or jokes and I hate the fact that I seem to lack any sort of social awareness. 

If there was a cure for autism I would take it in a heart beat. I would love to be normal and not feel as though I am being awkward. Maybe I would make more friends, maybe I would feel happier inside, maybe I wouldn't feel like such a disappointment. Maybe I would feel better and not feel as thought I have to disclose it on job applications.

I always have at the back on my mind that if people knew I was autistic I wouldn't have a chance in having a job cause all they would see is the diagnosis.

I hope this hasn't offended anyone. 

I have never wrote on a platform like this I just needed to say something.