Published on 12, July, 2020
My family members are extremely frustrating.
They are impatient and expect me to do anything they ask. Sometimes they don’t even ask they just assume.
Scenario 1:
So my mum got a puppy. We cannot really afford it. It’s annoying and it destroys everything. I have my cat to look after and they do not get along at all.
My mum works every night and expects me to deal with this puppy and babysit it even though it bites me and is destructive.
So tonight, I asked my mum if I could start getting paid for watching the dog, since its not my dog. She said “It’s the least you can do. You don’t do anything.” Which is highly incorrect since I clean the entire house every day and feed the cats and the puppy. I also help her in many other ways.
I’m not sure what to do about this or how I’m supposed to react.
Scenario 2:
My mum has major mood swings and gets annoyed if i ask about it. Ill ask if shes ok and she will yell.
I only ask because I don’t understand.
there are more scenarios but these will do for now.
Peace out
My brother did his own thing, too. However, we did get him retrained at Tech; Graduating from Uni in 2020.
We now live in separate locations; and became civil with each other.
My Nan was like that, too.
It's a sign of Codependency. Though, I see the same relationship with my Artist Friend. I took him to town, this morning, for his groceries; though he will get a cab back to his.
Major mood swings can mean she might also be autistic or ADHD or both... It's OK to say "You are not seeking to understand me". or "When you say ________ is is presuming a thing which isn't true"
When you are raised with a volatile parent, one is "walking on eggshells". You can refuse to participate until she calms down. My brother has made a practice of walking away from my mother when she would get out of order. She now does everything she can to keep his respect. While she may feel intensely impacted, there is no reason to misinterpret or misunderstand and be cruel. Emotions are not here to run us over or ruin relationships. They should be helpful not hurtful. Autistics and ADHD individuals tend to feel them more intensely than others.
It might be good to also write down reasons why her Responsiveness (responding with out intention) severs trust and is destroying a bond she might not want to or be aware of corroding. Parents need to appropriate their passions/whims/innate nature and not take them out on their kids.
This sounds REALLY frustrating.
It could be imperative you hunt down online How to Negotiate and find a way to create a Contract. You need to present hard evidence on a piece of paper with a list of what you do daily and emphasise the element of Time Management. Also, how do you make money? If you clean the house, take care of the cat when do you have time for winding down? How many hours are delegated to not being busy.
You may have to be vigilant with this situation for 2 weeks. Start by getting a notebook or collecting blank paper and writing down the time spent doing things. 8am wake up, breakfast, shower. 9am - 10 clean kitchen, feed pets, dog walk, etc. Write everything down and take it to her in 2 weeks. Present solid evidence that to dog is an extra event in your day and you already don't have time.
A dog needs a trainer. Dogs are not cats and they do not make good pets without disciplined training. Who is taking care of this?
Sorry to hear about your situation. It seems like your family members are just under a lot of stress. Your mother obviously doesn't mean it when she says "You don't do anything." since you are cleaning the house during the day and you are also feeding the cats and the puppy. On top of all this, you are babysitting and looking after your aggressive puppy that bites. You are doing so much for her. When she yells at you when you ask her about her mood swings, she is probably worried about them herself and so reacts abruptly when she is reminded about them. When you say "Sometimes they don't even ask they just assume.", you are not alone, believe me.