Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
My name is Lee, I have just joined, am trying to get to grips with how everything here works in terms of finding/joining groups.
Due to a very long history of masking/faking things/ increasingly isolating myself from social situations - plus my only direct family and best friend all passing away many years ago, and failed romantic relationships in the distant past, I am very isolated/lonely in the 'real' world, and have struggled with depression on multiple occasions. My professional/work life has been fine, but my personal/social life has been completely decimated.
I am looking for some advice on how to find others with similar interests/join groups - on here, but also if anyone has experience of finding 'real life' groups they can join/feel part of a real interactive community, with others of a similar nature?
I am, and always have been, awful at 'real life' conversations (outside of e.g. work topics/tasks) - often silent/extremely quiet for extended periods, or relying on others to drive where I can occasionally chip in with something, but quite articulate when I can take time to write things down. As such, finding groups (or individuals) where I am not 'focused on'/under pressure, or can undertake group activities/watch events together are ideal. I really like being around other people and care for them, I just can't articulate this/ socialize well in the traditional sense.
I am thinking I may have left all of this too late in life/have lost opportunities that may have existed if I had flagged things much sooner, but am now determined to at least try to make some changes/see what is possible. I am doing my own research, and have recently joined a local (Merseyside) autism Facebook group, but struggling to find any other ways to interact with/meet people in real life as well as online.. (which itself is still a great start!)
Many thanks for any help/suggestions
Hi Lee,
What you have written really resonated with me as you have described many of my life experiences exactly, particularly regarding a drive to be social yet a real struggle to connect with people in a meaningful way.
I recently started being more proactive by joining a local Meet Up book club; I've only been once so far and it wasn't awful, but I still found it very difficult to say anything in front of people. I also joined a local walking group which I've been going to every week for the last couple of months. Some weeks are better than others depending on who is there - certain 'more chatty' people are easier for me as I don't feel under pressure to talk so much.
All I can say is I can only improve with practise so I put myself out there but it's not easy, can be overwhelming and painful at times and I often feel like giving up, but I know if I do then nothing will change. I definitely feel that as I'm getting older I'm less resilient than I was and it would be SO easy just to give in and become reclusive again but that makes me feel sad, lonely and worthless so it's a case of soldiering on.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Many thanks Annie, this really helps Thise activities appeal to me, will check out f/what similar is in my area. I hope this works for you ongoing