Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
My name is Lee, I have just joined, am trying to get to grips with how everything here works in terms of finding/joining groups.
Due to a very long history of masking/faking things/ increasingly isolating myself from social situations - plus my only direct family and best friend all passing away many years ago, and failed romantic relationships in the distant past, I am very isolated/lonely in the 'real' world, and have struggled with depression on multiple occasions. My professional/work life has been fine, but my personal/social life has been completely decimated.
I am looking for some advice on how to find others with similar interests/join groups - on here, but also if anyone has experience of finding 'real life' groups they can join/feel part of a real interactive community, with others of a similar nature?
I am, and always have been, awful at 'real life' conversations (outside of e.g. work topics/tasks) - often silent/extremely quiet for extended periods, or relying on others to drive where I can occasionally chip in with something, but quite articulate when I can take time to write things down. As such, finding groups (or individuals) where I am not 'focused on'/under pressure, or can undertake group activities/watch events together are ideal. I really like being around other people and care for them, I just can't articulate this/ socialize well in the traditional sense.
I am thinking I may have left all of this too late in life/have lost opportunities that may have existed if I had flagged things much sooner, but am now determined to at least try to make some changes/see what is possible. I am doing my own research, and have recently joined a local (Merseyside) autism Facebook group, but struggling to find any other ways to interact with/meet people in real life as well as online.. (which itself is still a great start!)
Many thanks for any help/suggestions
Thanks James.
I don't drive which can make things tricky, on the 3rd I am going to be having a medical appointment (something completely unrelated to autism/mental health), but I will take a look at this/figure out if there is a way for me to join some events - theatre/cinema events especially. I've actually just found a one off board games night this Friday a 5 minute walk from me on Meetup, am also going to try that. Hopefully will get to see you at an event in the near future!
Hi Lee, welcome to the site. Firstly I'd say it's never too late to improve your social life and meet friends. I'm 44 and without having any friends in nearly 25 years I have recently made an acquaintance that looks promising to develop in to a friend. I've found it takes a lot of perseverance and also challenging negative thought and behavior patterns. You have to believe you have something to offer and the right people will notice it. I would say becoming a familiar face helps as well. In the past I would try something once or twice then decide it wasn't for me, then wonder why I never made connections.
I'm sure you've made a great first step by posting on here and joining a group in your local area. Good luck.
Added as a friend, think it will be abit easier now. I found it difficult to navigate this site at first
Thanks, I will do - once I figure out how to pm on here!
Many thanks Annie, this really helps Thise activities appeal to me, will check out f/what similar is in my area. I hope this works for you ongoing
Thanks, I will check this out
Thanks, will do
Hi lee, im in the merseyside area if you want to get in touch. Just pm
Hi Lee,
What you have written really resonated with me as you have described many of my life experiences exactly, particularly regarding a drive to be social yet a real struggle to connect with people in a meaningful way.
I recently started being more proactive by joining a local Meet Up book club; I've only been once so far and it wasn't awful, but I still found it very difficult to say anything in front of people. I also joined a local walking group which I've been going to every week for the last couple of months. Some weeks are better than others depending on who is there - certain 'more chatty' people are easier for me as I don't feel under pressure to talk so much.
All I can say is I can only improve with practise so I put myself out there but it's not easy, can be overwhelming and painful at times and I often feel like giving up, but I know if I do then nothing will change. I definitely feel that as I'm getting older I'm less resilient than I was and it would be SO easy just to give in and become reclusive again but that makes me feel sad, lonely and worthless so it's a case of soldiering on.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
I my city Meetup is pretty popular, if you highlight your interests there it will continue sending you info about groups meetings around those interests
in my case e.g. https://www.meetup.com/brighton-pub-boardgamers/events/286337909?utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=share-btn_savedevents_share_modal&utm_source=link I'm trying to hook up my close friends on board games, so we go out to play instead of go out drinking
PM me..you’re not to far I may have a solution -