NT married to partner on the spectrum

Autism has multiple 'meanings' depending on where in the world you live, including a medical understanding and researched brain-type differences. However, we are all emotional humans. What's different is our communication of those emotions. Most Autistics can be incredibly overwhelmed by their emotions or have what's called alexithymia. But One major part of autism is that we are intensely impacted by sensory input, which is everything from external to internal physical and psychological. It also means, until we become a little more mature, we might find the way NeuroTypical individuals communicate as shallow, pointless, unreasonable and therefore cruel. This is not to say this is the case, it's just another perspective. 

Another element that makes us unique is that we use our brains differently to reason, perceive and understand. We are not heavily using our language/semiotics compartments the same way most neurotypical individuals are. And the positive side to this is we just are not easily hypnotised or 'duped' in to advertising, we are naturally more analytical in nature. But - in a partnership, it might create a sense of isolation for one or both parties. 

Now, all individuals regardless of their own blind spots or strengths have the capacity to understand and use fundamental principles of being kind, generous, caring. Extending grace and undergoing the hard emotional work of growing the self. Regardless of affording a therapist, it is always useful to grow ones character and become the best of our personality.

Does your husband also feel the disconnect? Is he willing to negotiate to find a way to bond with you? The important question will be to ask if you have Shared Values. Dig deeper in to ancient wisdom or even values from the early last century. Even starting with the 'four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationships'. Simple resources with grounding shared principles can help fix problems that are making things harder than need be. 

I would rather talk about what I am going through because of this discovery. My husband has to decide for himself what he will do or not, but I can't just out a kid on this. This is really shocking for me. That he was living with a mask for years, and when the mask was off it was a plausible thing to believe - that he was stressed or depressed. And since we rarely had or have fights, it is very seldom that I had practical examples of experiencing his non empathic reaction to , well, to me being worried or sad. He won't go and find out exactly where he is on the spectrum but in old terms, he is probably asperger. And no, I have no clue how to speak politically correct or not. 

I still need to talk with someone who can connect emotionally with me. As I have no parent or sibling to help me with that.

I am in the opposite position to you, an autist married to a NT wife. There are a number of facets of empathy that are, or can be, connected to autism, An autistic person may be unaware of someone else's distress, they may need to be told directly (they have cognitive not affective empathy). An autistic person may be hugely empathetic and be overwhelmed by the distress of someone else and be unable to show their feelings at all. An autistic person can feel empathy, but not know how to show it, or may show their empathy in 'non-standard' ways. 

Speaking for myself, I feel emotional distress in others very keenly, but my response might appear wooden and uncaring. Unless the person in distress was a close friend or relative, I would be unlikely to hug or do a 'there-there" type response. Instead, I would probably try to dissect the problem causing the distress and suggest practical remedies. Though I might seem rather cold, my response is coming from a place of profound empathy.

I am in the opposite position to you, an autist married to a NT wife. There are a number of facets of empathy that are, or can be, connected to autism, An autistic person may be unaware of someone else's distress, they may need to be told directly (they have cognitive not affective empathy). An autistic person may be hugely empathetic and be overwhelmed by the distress of someone else and be unable to show their feelings at all. An autistic person can feel empathy, but not know how to show it, or may show their empathy in 'non-standard' ways. 

Speaking for myself, I feel emotional distress in others very keenly, but my response might appear wooden and uncaring. Unless the person in distress was a close friend or relative, I would be unlikely to hug or do a 'there-there" type response. Instead, I would probably try to dissect the problem causing the distress and suggest practical remedies. Though I might seem rather cold, my response is coming from a place of profound empathy.