Hello

Hi, I’m Star (not my real name, don’t feel comfortable sharing and want to stay safe). I hope you are all doing ok. I am new to this forum, so I am not really sure what I’m doing or what to say, but I hope this is ok. 

I am a female and was diagnosed with Autism (Aspergers Syndrome) just prior to my 15th Birthday. I have found this very hard to deal with and use very negative coping strategies becuase I have struggled with my mental health for about 4 years now. I experience severe, uncontrolled anxiety, difficulties with mood, emotional regulation, OCD traits, eating / disordered eating , motivation, speech (Selective / anxiety induced mutism) etc. Some of the things I struggle with due to Autism are processing, sensory, mental health, Interoception, eating, obsessions, identity, understanding, social, relating to others, behaviour, regulating and understanding emotion, burnout, coping with education, masking, coping with being alive etc. 

Throughout my life I have had many special interests, which can come and go or be maintained for a long time and then shift. However my mood changes them, can sometimes make me lose interest and motivation to engage in them. Some of my current / most recent special interests have been Squishmallows, soft toys, crochet, reading, giraffes, red, rose gold, pastel colours, jigsaw puzzles, cacti & succulents, Yankee candles, Biology etc. I also have many potential hobbies, but I don’t tend to engage in them much due to poor mental health, Burnout etc. I enjoy watching tv sometimes, although it can sometimes be stressful. I like light hearted programmes and films. My current favourites are probably Emmerdale, Coronation Street, Doctors, Holby City, Your Garden Made Perfect, Dragons Den, The Apprentice, and some films and Netflix series. I absolutely love helping others too. 

In addition, i am interested in learning French, makaton / sign language, pottery painting, arts and crafts, listening to music etc. amongst other things. I have always wanted to go into a medical career or something in the medical profession. 

I struggle to get in all I want to say and I never feel like I have said enough and it makes me uneasy and anxious and an uncomfortable feeling inside but I am just trying to tell myself that it’s ok and I can’t possibly say everything all at once and it doesn’t matter. 

I joined this forum to offer advice and because I have received my late autism diagnosis and don’t really know what to do with it. I want to learn more about myself and Autism and how I can understand what I’m experiencing and cope with life better and learn strategies. I feel quite alone and I’m struggling and can’t cope with being alive, but I hope to find some people that understand. 

Best Wishes, Star x