Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
I don’t know if this is the right place or anything.
I got a son who is nearly 4 and me and mum always knew he was different to other children so we been doing assessments and today was told our boy is estimated to be 2 years behind.
he doesn’t talk, struggles in big crowds, doesn’t like people in he’s space. We are currently potty training him which surprisingly is going really well.
I have no involvement with any other children that are on the spectrum so I haven’t a clue. I don’t want to sound selfish or being a *** but I’m struggling to deal with it.
my son is the apple of my eye he comes everywhere with me when I’m not at work, waits for me to put him to bed. He is my best friend. Today after the assessment I broke down I’ve always sort of brushed it under the carpet but hearing it from a “professional” really hit home.
is there certain things I can do to help him along we are already doing flash cards and they are working. It’s the violent out bursts and screeching when I say no to something that really gets to me. I’ve had a Google “what help can I get with an autistic child” and all that comes up is about benefits which isn’t the sort of help I need. I’m after mainly advice about things I can do to help calm and soothe my son.
enough rambling
John.
Hi John, another proud dad here.
My son was diagnosed at a similar age following speech & language and other referrals. Like yours, mine is a total Daddy's boy too and he's one of the few people I really connect with and know really well. I remember feeling a little sad at first when he got his diagnosis. Mainly for him, knowing that this wasn't a phase that he would catch up on, and that there would be things he would find hard. After a while I also started to recognise a lot in myself and my past that fit with an Autism diagnosis and am going through assessment at the moment.
Having an autistic child can be challenging. We've been through years of going from one struggle to the next, but damn, as he's started to develop it is so rewarding and we've celebrated each new food he's tried and every new milestone in his development like it's a lottery win.
We haven't had too much experience with the outbursts that you described above so can't comment specifically on that, but be available for him and be there when he needs you. You may start to pick up on some of the signs that a meltdown is brewing and be able to intervene and calm him before he hits his tipping point. Lots of hugs and lots of time to talk about his worries also help.
For what it's worth it doesn't sound like you're being selfish at all, it sounds like you're a loving dad struggling to get his head around something that by your own admission you don't have any knowledge on. It's a big thing to come to terms with and it doesn't get easier overnight, but you will get there, and there are plenty of us here for support.
Thank you mate, means a lot.