Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
I don’t know if this is the right place or anything.
I got a son who is nearly 4 and me and mum always knew he was different to other children so we been doing assessments and today was told our boy is estimated to be 2 years behind.
he doesn’t talk, struggles in big crowds, doesn’t like people in he’s space. We are currently potty training him which surprisingly is going really well.
I have no involvement with any other children that are on the spectrum so I haven’t a clue. I don’t want to sound selfish or being a *** but I’m struggling to deal with it.
my son is the apple of my eye he comes everywhere with me when I’m not at work, waits for me to put him to bed. He is my best friend. Today after the assessment I broke down I’ve always sort of brushed it under the carpet but hearing it from a “professional” really hit home.
is there certain things I can do to help him along we are already doing flash cards and they are working. It’s the violent out bursts and screeching when I say no to something that really gets to me. I’ve had a Google “what help can I get with an autistic child” and all that comes up is about benefits which isn’t the sort of help I need. I’m after mainly advice about things I can do to help calm and soothe my son.
enough rambling
John.
He hasn’t been diagnosed yet we are going through all the assessments and procedures now. He is currently under iscan they are the ones doing the assessments.
health visitor, nursery teachers, physicians have all said he is on the spectrum so he got referred.
Thank you mate, means a lot.
You sound like an amazing dad and that you're doing a great job. I think it's perfectly normal to feel emotional after your child's diagnosis, I know I certainly was.
For my daughter, clear and consistent boundaries work for her as she always knows what to expect and what is expected of her and this helps to reduce the meltdowns at home. When we're out its much harder and it just becomes a case of trying to foresee what could be a trigger and avoid/minimise it if possible. Lots of routine and fore warnings also help her. She has a weighted blanket which I recommend highly. Social stories are also good. My daughter is very hyper sensitive so has meltdowns frequently because she just gets so overwhelmed. It's hard work, I can't deny that. But my daughter is exceptional and also my best friend.
I also knew nothing about autism when she was diagnosed but I tried to learn as much as possible by reading books, doing courses and I ended up working with asd children. So maybe some books for parents could help?
Was it through camhs he was diagnosed? If so they should provide you with some information on where to get support?
Hi John, another proud dad here.
My son was diagnosed at a similar age following speech & language and other referrals. Like yours, mine is a total Daddy's boy too and he's one of the few people I really connect with and know really well. I remember feeling a little sad at first when he got his diagnosis. Mainly for him, knowing that this wasn't a phase that he would catch up on, and that there would be things he would find hard. After a while I also started to recognise a lot in myself and my past that fit with an Autism diagnosis and am going through assessment at the moment.
Having an autistic child can be challenging. We've been through years of going from one struggle to the next, but damn, as he's started to develop it is so rewarding and we've celebrated each new food he's tried and every new milestone in his development like it's a lottery win.
We haven't had too much experience with the outbursts that you described above so can't comment specifically on that, but be available for him and be there when he needs you. You may start to pick up on some of the signs that a meltdown is brewing and be able to intervene and calm him before he hits his tipping point. Lots of hugs and lots of time to talk about his worries also help.
For what it's worth it doesn't sound like you're being selfish at all, it sounds like you're a loving dad struggling to get his head around something that by your own admission you don't have any knowledge on. It's a big thing to come to terms with and it doesn't get easier overnight, but you will get there, and there are plenty of us here for support.