How long to adjust to diagnosis?

I felt the same. If it helps, you are in an almost identical situation to me. I was diagnosed in December 21 and I am 39. So you really aren't alone and I'm sure you will find a lot of support and companionship on here. You'll soon get over the 'internet shakes' :) I recommend giving yourself time to digest the news - I haven't digested it yet - reading about ASD, reading the threads on here and getting a feel for the place. My wife is amazing too but it is so hard for her to understand because ASD is literally a brain miswiring; just be patient and I'm sure something more positive will unfold. That's what I'm telling myself. If you feel like it then go to one of your local meet ups organised by a NAS local branch. I have done one and it was good. I am due to attend another later this month. My one tip for survival in this place is to avoid the 'woe is me' type threads and people, because it can drag you down.* I have come to realise that we get exposed to a biased sample of posters - people needing support and just wanting to throw out frustration will do that here, that's part of the purpose. But you are less likely to see the people that are doing well - either because they aren't on here or because they don't want to be seen to be 'boasting' in any way and avoid upsetting anyone. So bear that in mind. You're not a failure in life, just need to work out exactly what hand you have been dealt (we are all different) - but the very fact you have a wife and have escaped 'notice' until you were 39 suggests to me that you have plenty of good things to be grateful for - I say that because I am in the same position! Don't ever forget that. Final point is that like you I struggle with verbal communication. What about writing a letter - go old fashioned and do it with a pen and paper, why not - and express yourself to your wife. It could be the start of something beautiful.

* To be clear - I dive in from time to time to offer support and advice, but try to keep it as a 'in and out' to protect my own well being, because I know that I have quite a fragile emotional system and can get affected and sucked in easily.

Thanks consciousbadger and everyone else for being so welcoming, it's really appreciated and I feel better about it all today. 

I like the idea of writing to my wife, I broach most emotional subjects via text message first (even when she's sat next to me) as I find it probably the most easy medium to control my emotional reactions. I realise to many this would be odd, and I know previous partners I'd had would put me down for it, but my wife is amazing and takes my eccentricities in her stride so I think I probably need to prep a bigger text in my head for Monday when the kids aren't around. 

Ultimately I am relieved at diagnosis I think as it just adds a nice and understanding tint to a lot of bad memories. My life now is great except work, my life in my teens/twenties much less so and I think this helps with that but it's just like this weird, jarring, step change in how i view myself. 

I'm sure I'll have lots more to post over time. 

Thanks consciousbadger and everyone else for being so welcoming, it's really appreciated and I feel better about it all today. 

I like the idea of writing to my wife, I broach most emotional subjects via text message first (even when she's sat next to me) as I find it probably the most easy medium to control my emotional reactions. I realise to many this would be odd, and I know previous partners I'd had would put me down for it, but my wife is amazing and takes my eccentricities in her stride so I think I probably need to prep a bigger text in my head for Monday when the kids aren't around. 

Ultimately I am relieved at diagnosis I think as it just adds a nice and understanding tint to a lot of bad memories. My life now is great except work, my life in my teens/twenties much less so and I think this helps with that but it's just like this weird, jarring, step change in how i view myself. 

I'm sure I'll have lots more to post over time.