Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm new to this forum, and gave 2 teens with ASD. Mr16 was diagnosed with HF Asbergers 4 years ago, and Miss13 simply ASD 12 months ago (I gather they no longer differentiate). I'm here because I've become very capable at dealing with Mr16, who manages himself very well these days. Miss13 however is another kettle of fish and makes me feel completely useless as a parent. She's must be high-functioning like her brother, and has been in mainstream secondary for 18 months. However she has a tendency to shut down at school when challenged to talk about her emotions. It's been likened to selective mutism (by CAMHS), but no help has been offered as she's doing so well at school. Before Christmas she had a complete shutdown - emotionally and physically. She appeared to lose all motor functions, refusing to talk or walk and couldn't even wipe the tears from her face. When I arrived the teacher felt the only option was to gently bring her to her feet and help her walk out the school, which slowly worked. I felt awful as I am a single parent without a car and it took a long time for me to reach the school. So I'm finally taking my therapist's advice and sharing here. Is there a particular forum for despondent single parents with HF ASD?
Cheers,
Jim.
Sorry to hear about your daughter and how she is struggling at the moment, I am also a girl with HF ASD and understand how because I am a girl, the way we process and show our emotions are very different to a boy with ASD. I know how difficult it is to be a girl with ASD as usually girls mask it, however boys represent their emotions differently[ in some ways more clearly]. It must be very hard finding out exactly what bothers her at what times.
Just to let you know, this is the correct place to share this info and get advice but I think you can also talk to staff of the website directly too.
It is very difficult to determine how an Autistic girl manages at school. My teachers were the same, they thought I was coping well at school but they just observed how I seemed by looking at me, not understanding my emotions because inside, I was slowly deteriorating with powerful emotions. Girls especially automatically mask ASD at times, especially in school. I really feel for your daughter because we [girls] usually bottle everything up and then have a sudden breakdown like you mentioned when she was effected physically too. I think overtime, your daughter may begin to understand her feelings and emotions therefore being able to identify when situations are too powerful to handle. With her age, it may have hit her hard because especially in secondary school, there is a lot, if not too much, to focus on and the stresses of the schoolwork and the mass of children is very overwelming. If there is a Special Educational Needs Department in her school maybe she is able to visit there if a situation gets too much but I understand if that is a bit too much of a large task or it would not help her as it did with me. I remember when I was in year 7 and I didn't have the courage to get myself help, but overtime I began to recognise when I needed it and so I got used to visiting the SEN department which began to make me feel like I had a family within school and whenever I had a problem they would understand. I didn't even have to let the staff know what was wrong because they recognised it and there was immediate understanding.
I hope she gets all the support she needs but as a parent your doing nothing wrong, it's in your case, all about experimenting with different things and people to lower the stresses she faces. Sorry if I didn't have too many suggestions but I felt just like her before. School can be a tough part in life, but I hope things improve along the way.
MJFR :]
Thanks, your account of the stresses faced at school helps a lot. She’s doing so well in so many ways, and I shouldn’t feel downcast because of one or two incidents. It’s exhausting making most of the parenting decisions on my own. Her mum is absent a lot of the time, both physically and emotionally. I’m only just recognising that I need support too.