Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a married woman with Aspergers and I will use NT in this post even though I dislike that label but it is convenient..I have never posted before and this is long so don't feel obliged to read on. I feel Aspergers partners are always classed as something NTs have to 'suffer' and this is wrong.
I am always calm and rational. I find my NT partner gets easily hyped up, stressed, impatient, worried, irritable and irrational. I find him hard work a lot of the time. I am not confused by him. I am also not cold or lacking in empathy. I have a PhD in science but also work as a therapist and enjoy painting and playing several instruments. I adore my children and am physically and verbally affectionate with my children and husband,. My husband and I deeply love each other. But I don't fit the stereotype of someone with Asoergers as being easily upset and inflexible. I have had to teach myself how to respond appropriately verbally and gesturally. I almost never get anxious and I genuinely don't feel awe or impressed by much so never get intimidated by other people. My husband gets frustrated that he can tell me about something he finds impressive and I respond with 'that's nice but why is it impressive?'. I am not arrogant, I know everyone can do things I can't or they have talents I don't. I just don't relate to anyone or belong anywhere. I know how to be sociable and 'work's the room but feel it's a job (one I enjoy but I am very tired and glad to go home like a satisfying but exhausting day at work).
I am very honest and direct and I don't get embarrassed so can be uninhibited but I know how to be polite and I know when to be inhibited as I know what NTs find embarrassing..I also have a witty sense of humour and am fun loving. I am not a sstereotype.i know NTs find my humour and lack of inhibition entertaining andi sometimes play on that to make friends laugh but I am aware.
I follow buddhism and meditate each day. Reading the Buddhist texts gives me a sense of connection I dont feel anywhere else. I feel like an alien. But I am saddened that Aspergers is always seen as the problem in relationships. Personally I find NT individuals generally emotionally chaotic and reactive and I am frequently having to step back, 'rise above it's. Not to sound patronising to NTs but when I watch the news it's like the whole world is irrational and narcissistic.
So when all these NTs find living with Aspergers is difficult and I find nothing but negativity on Google, this leaves me feeling extremely misunderstood and isolated. I feel Aspegers has made me gifted and clear thinking. My friends say I am the calmest person they know. I am stubborn and if I'm working on something can put off eating and sleeping until it's done. I am also controlling about order and germs and about how things should be done. But I am politically liberal, open minded and tolerant. I am not perfect but I'm not something that needs fixing.
Aspergers is misrepresented in articles.on couples where one person has Asoergers. I think I am a catch as much as my husband is. I am not grateful somebody is 'putting up' with me. I am mostly a good person and loving partner.. I am grateful I met my lovely husband because he is lovely but we are equals.
Since 2013 in the UK people are no longer diagnosed as having Asperger's syndrome. Were you diagnosed a long time ago or is it just something you feel fits you?
I partly agree with your sentiment, that people with ASD aren't always a problem. It is good that there is some positive/defensive sentiment going against the tidal wave, so thank you for that. But the problem we all face is we are the minority. We are the aberration. You can't get away from that and so it is always going to be seen in mainstream press, blogs, social media platforms etc. from perspective of how it is for normies to deal with us. On top of that, it seems from the data that the minority of ASDs are in long term relationships, minority in employment etc. So there is a substantive issue here. Your personal story is not common. We have to accept it but at the same time fight for our tribe. Difficult balance. Again, thank you for taking the other side, not many people do.
I have been to Tibet and became very interested in that form of Buddhism. I decided against going any further though because the Dalai Llama has clearly expressed on multiple occasions his dissatisfaction with Westerners converting to Buddhism. Follow the leader...
A lot of the rest of your post resonated with me though, so you will soon find you are not alone. One thing that really didn't though was your lack of anxiety - lucky you!!! I always thought anxiety was almost a central part of ASD, so you are incredibly lucky because this is one of the hardest parts of ASD for me and the one that causes depression, missed life experiences, and fewer career opportunities than I would otherwise have had.
And also of you look on this site they refer to all the catorgys of autism too when looking in the guidance. Personally I got issue with refering to the fact I'm ASD cause I am and accept it. And yeah I have server anxiety and depression just choose not to exspress it all the time and manage it definitely by trying to concor it rather than become it.