Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello I'm Fluffy, I've got ASD and a few other issues. I find life as an adult on the spectrum extremely hard at times, it wasn't much easier when I was younger, I'm 23 now. I feel extremely depressed and distressed, not all to do with ASD but it doesn't help either. Some days I feel so low that I just want to end it all. Doctors can't help so I'm pretty much on my own. I've tried getting support but no one seems to want to help or even understand anything about ASD. Honestly I've just reached the limit and there's so much happening in my life I just feel like I'd rather be dead now. I'm unhappy and sick and the ASD is wrecking me physically, emotionally and mentally. I know it's not life threatening or anything but it does seem to affect so much of my life and I've had enough of it. I live a life where I've got no friends, no job and I have no love from my parents, it's like I don't even exist to them. I've felt really low this last week, don't know why really, I'm just tired of life and being me I guess. No one likes or loves me, it's a very lonely existence and I don't like it one bit. I thought I might come here to get to know more about ASD and meet some people who understands what it's like. Right now I just feel empty and worthless. I hate being autistic, it really is just the worst. I've read before about special interests but I don't have any. I'm boring and talentless. and no matter what I do no one wants to be near me or likes me. I'm just a small ant and everyone steps on me and I feel even lower.
I imagined once how cool it would be to be the Hive Queen, and communicate with thoughts, btw I'm male, so I don't know how it came to my head, but I think it was because of reading book about Ender.
I'm lonely too, i had good contact with my siblings in childhood, we were together against same tyrant, but that's over and we are no longer close, my mom doesn't even acknowledge I was tested and that I'm autistic
I made first friend when I was 28, I've got 3 friends now at 42,
so don't worry to much, just start growing ants or something others don't do
Welcome home, Fluffy!
Hey Fluffy, I can completely relate! I'm also 24 so similar age. Trust me, you are not 'boring and talentless' you just may not have found your special interest yet and there is nothing wrong with that. Please never feel alone! You now have this whole community, and also you are always more than welcome to message me if you ever wanna chat Welcome to the community!
Fluffy, it may be the case that the way you're feeling relates to how you've been treated, rather than ASD itself. When I started talking to autistic people, it felt very weird, as I didn't know how to interpret the fact that I wasn't totally on my own. Perhaps reading some entries on this forum might be helpful.
Incidentally, I love ants. In terms of total bio-mass, they dominate the planet to the same extent as humans, and over a longer time frame than humans. So if you think of yourself that way, you're alright with me.