Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, been with my partner for 1yr 4 months now. As I've got to know him more and more I'd put my last pound on him being autistic. All of this being fine however I do want to understand it some more. I have worked with autistic children for 10 plus years however when in a relationship its so very different.
Our relationship is good and I'm very happy. He appears happy aswell. He doesn't talk much at all about feelings full stop.
When we first got together sex was mental, very often, trying new things. The want to please eachother was wonderful. A real connection, not just sex. This lasted a year. And it has slowly faded away. Now I know some people will say it's was honey moon period blar blar blar but I don't believe it was.
Was the first year an act/show. Did he do what he 'thought' was correct.
Is his sex drive actually not very high?
He is very stressed with work right now, does anyone else's sex drive disappear when stressed and tired?
I use sex or the release from sex as a de stress. Having sex, kissing and cuddling calms me and helps me chill. Is this the case for you? Or the opposite?
Is he fully being himself with me and does not feel/want sex now?
I know you can't answer the questions but if you have had any experience in this area I'd much appreciated your impact.
Thanks
Everyone is different but I find myself that my sex drive is either through the roof high or almost non existant. This is usally down to how stressed or depressed I feel in life. If I have had a bad time at work or am under a lot of stress I do not want, or am probobly even capable of, sex with my wife at all. If I am feeling more settled and calm in life though, I want it with her all the time.
You mention that he is under stress at work. This could well have something to do with it. Work always affects my drive more than anything. Maybe his will come back once he is feeling more settled.
I have pretended and masked with this stuff before but in my experience I think it would be difficult to put on a show for a whole year. I think some of that was hopefully genuine. Its difficult to fake for that long or make it feel as real as it obviously did to you if its not real.
One more thing to consider, lack of confidence can affect it too. I dont know what his work situation is but if he is being made to feel a failure or inadequate at work that might affect his confidence with you. I know myself when I have been made to feel like that at work I dont have the confidence to be intimiate with my wife