Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there
I am a the start of getting assessed for autism - having learned more and more about how women present I realise I fit the bill and am relieved to be honest. I have 3 sons - the youngest is autistic, non speaking, learning disabled, the other 2 have significant autistic traits but are not diagnosed. It answers so many questions for me, my not quite fitting in, not getting things quite right, speaking my mind and losing friends, masking, mimicking, using alcohol as a coping mechanism, feeling like a fake, obsessive interests, sensory issues, super sensitive hearing and smell - there are 1001 things! Has anyone else used drugs and alcohol ‘fit in’ or ‘cope’?
I used to use alcohol to fit in a lot. It was the only way I could calm my anxiety and awkwardness in social situations. I couldnt actually be in a group social situation without being drunk for a lot of my 20s. It was a way to appear normal I guess and cope with social anxiety. It made me behave like someone Im not though and got me into some lousy situations. I dont do that anymore, havnt for years but its scary being in social situations without that defence.
Totally get the not fitting in and mimicking too and especially the losing friends. I have lost so many friends and with many of them I still have no idea why to this day.I find the only friends worth having are other people like us, either autistic people or other non NT people. they understand us, not sure "normal" people ever will