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NEED HELP TO UNDERSTAND A FRIEND

NAS75274
over 3 years ago

I AM IN MY MID-SIXTIES AND FEMALE AND HAVE JUST STARTED CO-HABITING WITH A FEMALE FRIEND WHOM I HAVE KNOWN FOR OVER 10 YEARS. WE HAVE NEVER BEFORE LIVED TOGETHER WITH JUST THE 2 OF US.. WE ARE NOT A COUPLE - JUST FRIENDS AND HAVE MOVED FROM A LARGE CITY TO THE SEASIDE TO CUT COSTS AND HAVE A SLOWER PACE.  SHE KNOWS SHE HAS DYSLEXIA BUT I STRONGLY SUSPECT IT IS MORE THAN THAT. I AM FAMILIAR WITH THE SYMPTOMS OF DYSLEXIA AS MY EX-HUSBAND, DAUGHTER AND 1 GRANDCHILD HAVE IT ALSO.

I HAVE JOINED THIS FORUM FOR HELP- I WANT TO UNDERSTAND MY FRIEND BETTER AND BE A HELP TO HER BUT THERE IS A LOT OF MISCOMMUNICATION. SHE DISPLAYS A LOT OF THE SYMPTOMS OF ASPERGERS BUT I CAN'T SAY THIS TO HER. SHE IS 70 YEARS OLD... I HAVE PHONED THE NAS OVER A WEEK AGO AND SPOKEN TO A RECEPTIONIST WHO WAS VERY UNDERSTANDING. SHE GAVE ME A PHONE NUMBER IN MY LOCAL AREA OF A SUPPORT GROUP BUT THE PHONE GOES STRAIGHT TO VOICE MAIL,

PLEASE CAN ANYONE GIVE ME ADVICE? I HAVE GOOGLED THIS SUBJECT AND LOOKED AT THE SIGNS OF ASPERGERS AND MY FRIEND TICKS A LOT OF THE BOXES. HOWEVER, SHE IS 70 AND HAS NEVER BEEN DIAGNOSED.... I THINK DEEP DOWN SHE KNOWS SHE IS DIFFERENT AND I WOULD REALLY LIKE HER TO GET HELP AND I NEED HELP TOO. WE LIVE FAR FROM ANY FRIENDS OR RELATIVES NOW AND I PERSONALLY DON'T HAVE ANY ADULT AUTISTIC FRIENDS.

ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. THANKS!

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    It is admirable that you want to understand your friend better. That in itself is a powerful thing. But, do you want to go down the diagnostic route for her benefit, or for yours?

    Does your friend feel like she has unexplained difficulties or problems? If not, she might not need to be diagnosed at all. I look at it this way, if a person feels they need the diagnosis, they probably do, but if not, they probably/possibly don't.

    It seems that you already have an understanding of how your friend is different to you and the other people around you. You already make some adjustments when around her. Adjustments/accommodations are usually the things that are asked for after diagnosis anyway. So, why not just continue to be accepting of your friend's differences and continue to make those small adjustments when you're around your friend? It takes a little effort on your part, to remember to do it, but it seems you are doing it already.

    It's great that you are concerned for your friend, but unless there is a distinct and obvious issue, or she is very unhappy, or having mental health issues, I don't see what more is required beyond you continuing to be a caring and understanding friend.

Reply
  • over 3 years ago

    It is admirable that you want to understand your friend better. That in itself is a powerful thing. But, do you want to go down the diagnostic route for her benefit, or for yours?

    Does your friend feel like she has unexplained difficulties or problems? If not, she might not need to be diagnosed at all. I look at it this way, if a person feels they need the diagnosis, they probably do, but if not, they probably/possibly don't.

    It seems that you already have an understanding of how your friend is different to you and the other people around you. You already make some adjustments when around her. Adjustments/accommodations are usually the things that are asked for after diagnosis anyway. So, why not just continue to be accepting of your friend's differences and continue to make those small adjustments when you're around your friend? It takes a little effort on your part, to remember to do it, but it seems you are doing it already.

    It's great that you are concerned for your friend, but unless there is a distinct and obvious issue, or she is very unhappy, or having mental health issues, I don't see what more is required beyond you continuing to be a caring and understanding friend.

Children