Trying this out Need your opinion

Hello. I’ve been trying to post this for several weeks now but between not knowing how to use a forum and not wanting to ask for help I’ve only thought about it for some time. Essentially, after much research and YouTube watching I’m inclined to say I’m most likely on the spectrum. I’ve got a list of symptoms that say so and I’ve taken the AQ twice and gotten a 43 and 45. For the past few months I’ve been speaking with a counsellor who thinks I might have a personality disorder and OCD. I haven’t gotten to talk to her about these new thoughts since they’re a fairly recent development, but I will in 4 days. I’m worried she’ll be dismissive of me like the med doctor was. I’m worried everyone will be dismissive. I used to think I was the strongest person mentally way back in elementary school like 20 years ago when I was around 7. I used to think I was the only person lucid like everyone else lacked self awareness. I thought friends were pointless and do not speak unto spoken too. I would hit other kids because they were too loud and break things because I was frustrated. My mom was oblivious to me being different at all and still is to this day even though she’s been told about my lack of friends and how at work I do my job entirely alone. Before I started speaking to my counsellor I had voiced my opinion to my mom about how I feel different and told her some of the reasons why and she dismissed it as normal. Then again she says things like “I’m not addicted to smoking, I’m addicted to smoke breaks” and “I don’t understand how you could have depression” or “only violent people have personality disorders”. 

I do not care what she thinks but being dismissed makes me angry. The person I really need to believe me is my fiancé but I haven’t been able to ask her. She is the only person I truly have in my life and while she accepts me for all my oddities I feel like if I try to explain this to her she will be dismissive too. I’m worried she wouldn’t be able to see past the stereotypes or be to biased to let me put a label on it.

im going to put the list of my symptoms down here. I was reading lists of symptoms and writing down the ones that apply but I assure you there’s more.

Please give me your opinion on whether or not you think I may be on the spectrum and how to tell my fiancé. I don’t know how to ask for help properly, I’m mostly by myself always

1Find joining in conversation difficult

2Small talk is difficult

3Can’t carry conversation

4Speak in flat monotone voice

5Repeat myself when saying things on occasion

6Excessively pursue my interest of guns and knives and talk about it when I can

7Don’t make eye contact with most people

8Make up words and phrases and say them randomly

9Have difficulty multi tasking

10Trip over everything, drop things randomly

11Skin picking-stimming

12Move muscles in pattern

13Tap out patterns with finger

14Like working and doing things alone

15Didn’t graduate school

16Previous contact with mental health professionals

17See patterns and numbers everywhere

18OCD traits

19Almost no empathy

20Trouble processing certain thoughts

21Don’t like sticky things-textures

22Sometimes seem rude

22Mom says if I’m not interested in something I start to tune out

23Don’t like people walking to closely behind or friendly patting on the back

24 Won’t eat leftovers

25 Good at arithmetic

26 Bothered by random noises sometimes

27no friends