Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I’m new here and thought I’d introduce myself:)
Im 34 (female) living in London. I’ve never been diagnosed but have been on the waiting list for 4years. Autism Society pre-assessment said I needed a full assessment but NHS has refused to pay so I’ve been waiting for community mental health team to support me.
I used to receive counselling for abuse and a lot of childhood trauma, but talking therapies have said that my issues are too complex and they can no longer support me. They referred me to another service that told me I should join an online forum as it’s very unlikely I’ll get support.
I’ve tried to seek long term support but to no avail. Sad thing is that a close friend of mine with similar issues committed suicide several years ago due to not receiving any support at all. I’m not suicidal but I do get extremely low a lot. When I get really low I call helplines- just wish I could have long term support... I’m not needy I promise!
I most definitely presented with all the signs of being autistic as a child, but it was never picked up by anyone. I’ve taught myself how to fit in and pick up social cues. I’m high functioning and an over achiever, with a great job and financial independence.... but still not happy.
More than anything I wish I had some friends who I can speak to about how I feel and what I’m going through. I’m lonely, confused and very scared of going outside. I work from home mainly and can easily spend several weeks in my room without going anywhere. I dont even use my living room- so it looks like a show-house lol
Lockdown has been great as I haven’t had to make excuses for not going out. I’ve had plenty of time to cook, clean and do 1000piece puzzles. I’m worried that when the world opens up again I’ll be left behind once more. I used to cry every weekend without fail. The thought of everyone outside living their best lives and me alone in my room really bothers me; but sometimes I just really can’t go outside. It’s too scary. I have sooo many associates but zero friends. The only time my phone rings is when it’s work related. Nobody calls me otherwise.
Sometimes I wonder if I actually exist. Is this real? Am I real? I pinch myself a lot (not self harm) to see if I’m sleeping or not.
anyways, it would be nice to meet some new people and share experiences.
Thanks
”Never settle for anything other than butterflies”
Hi, I’m in similar situation. I’m 40, female, not diagnosed yet and this year will be 4 years since I’ve been referred for an assessment. I’ve tried NHS talking therapies but been told they couldn’t help me and they’ve stopped the therapy and told me to wait for the assessment outcome. And it’s been downward spiral since then.
I’m still working full time (well, 3/4 time) and I’ve got family so they keep me going. Maybe not exactly supporting because my husband and I are not in the best place at the moment and barely talking (we drifted apart) but my children are keeping me alive. If left to myself I wouldn’t be able to leave my house (I was left alone pre pandemic while my family went on holiday - I couldn’t even force myself to go to the store to buy some food)
I don’t have any friends, I cry a lot and end of the lockdown scares me because I find it hard to imagine. People at work are getting more and more excited about seeing their friends and families, going on holiday and I feel left behind because it doesn’t apply to me. It’s like I’m in another world. Closed in some invisible prison and I can’t reach out and break free. Wherever I turn I meet the wall and I can’t see past it. I feel completely trapped in my own prison and I don’t know how to let myself out.
Hey,
im glad to hear you have children who are keeping you sane. Considering most kids drive people mad! Sorry to hear about your relationship with your husband, hopefully that’s something that can improve over time. I’m rubbish at relationships so dont do them even though it would be nice to have a partner, I’ve made peace with being single. I don’t even attempt to date and tend to intentionally chase men away- it’s just too stressful.
The invisible prison resonates with me. If only we could map out the blueprints for this prison? Might not be able to escape immediately but can surely plan some more “yard time”.
Do you travel much?
j**us u sound low
no ?
Is this supposed to be helpful?