Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm Adam.
I'm in a lot of distress lately and would appreciate your support.
I'm 38 and really struggle with day to day life. It's got to the point were I'm older now and getting tired, so I either need to do something about it before it's too late or accept that my life is over now.
As a child of the 80's my odd behaviours were never taken seriously and autism was never really heard of back then. So I feel like I've slipped through the net and my condition has just been overlooked. My parents admit that they did know there was something wrong (which makes of angry). In 2011 I was diagnosed with bipolar and ocd to add a label to some of my symptoms but it just doesn't fit. I was diagnosed quickly and the process was really uncomfortable.
I struggle massively socially, it causes me debilitating anxiety, I'm always alone. I have repetitive thought patterns that can anger me and make me cross when I enter the cycle, I live a very strict daily routine and get ultra upset if I can't perform it and I'm incredibly sensitive to noise (even quiet noise) and wear earplugs permanently at home and headphones when out (with no music). I'm sensitive to bright lights (and sit in the dark a lot) and certain textiles make me vomit. I'm a ranter, a raver and I get told a lot I'm cold and aggressive. I've had 25+ jobs in the last 17 years and I'm just physically and mentally exhausted with it all.
I can't keep going through this cycle in life of screwing up jobs and not understanding life. I need some support now. What do I do?
I don't like my gp. They are busy and don't have time for anyone and they are abrupt and they make me anxious.
Thanks
Adam
That's so sad given the diagnosis journey you've been on. The sensory issues you describe scream autism.
So one option is to assume you're autistic and start accepting and adjusting life accordingly. If funds are available, you can get private counselling - cost varies by area, but I got ex-NAS for around £60 an hour. And if you're a reader, then reading biographies / text books around autism can be really helpful. Because the 'profile' is spiky - everyone has their strengths and challenges falling and impacting them in different ways. So learning how others have coped and taking inspiration from them for the things that might work for you are really helpful.
Diagnosis can be helpful but can also take ages - and you don't need to wait for that for acceptance/changes.
Key would be finding work in the right environment for you - which sounds like process-based (routine), preferably without too many social needs, and in an environment you can control. On the plus side, lockdown etc. mean there will be far more jobs that can be done from home and at odd hours.
While it's a difficult question...do you think are you naturally angry, or is it frustration/stress/anxiety at the surroundings and circumstances that you find yourself in?
Thanks Lason,
What does ex-nas mean? I don't know the lingo meanings.
I am not a naturally angry person. My default is very pleasant, friendly and funny. However when I get stressed out, anxious or if I misinterpret something someone did I can go straight to boiling point really quickly. I'm never violent butit is over the top and even I'm aware that it isn't normal,
The problem with me is that I feel like i'm stuck in an endless cycle. Like I'm trapped in the prison of the symptoms and I'm not being supported right because all of my help was for bipolar and not what is actually wrong with me.
Thanks again for your help
ex-NAS. So a coach who used to work for the National Autistic Society - so a fairly good indicator they have real world experience of coaching someone autistic and familiar/comfortable with the range of traits.
It does sound like the anger is a reaction to stress. So it should help if you take time to reflect on the sources of stress and then try to avoid/reduce them? If you can avoid at least some of them, it can make it easier for you to cope with the stresses you can't avoid.