Intro and suspect I'm autistic

ex-NAS. So a coach who used to work for the National Autistic Society - so a fairly good indicator they have real world experience of coaching someone autistic and familiar/comfortable with the range of traits.

It does sound like the anger is a reaction to stress. So it should help if you take time to reflect on the sources of stress and then try to avoid/reduce them? If you can avoid at least some of them, it can make it easier for you to cope with the stresses you can't avoid.

Thanks Lason,

What does ex-nas mean? I don't know the lingo meanings.

I am not a naturally angry person. My default is very pleasant, friendly and funny. However when I get stressed out, anxious or if I misinterpret something someone did I can go straight to boiling point really quickly. I'm never violent butit is over the top and even I'm aware that it isn't normal,

The problem with me is that I feel like i'm stuck in an endless cycle. Like I'm trapped in the prison of the symptoms and I'm not being supported right because all of my help was for bipolar and not what is actually wrong with me.

Thanks again for your help

That's so sad given the diagnosis journey you've been on. The sensory issues you describe scream autism.

So one option is to assume you're autistic and start accepting and adjusting life accordingly. If funds are available, you can get private counselling - cost varies by area, but I got ex-NAS for around £60 an hour. And if you're a reader, then reading biographies / text books around autism can be really helpful. Because the 'profile' is spiky - everyone has their strengths and challenges falling and impacting them in different ways. So learning how others have coped and taking inspiration from them for the things that might work for you are really helpful.

Diagnosis can be helpful but can also take ages - and you don't need to wait for that for acceptance/changes.

Key would be finding work in the right environment for you - which sounds like process-based (routine), preferably without too many social needs, and in an environment you can control. On the plus side, lockdown etc. mean there will be far more jobs that can be done from home and at odd hours.

While it's a difficult question...do you think are you naturally angry, or is it frustration/stress/anxiety at the surroundings and circumstances that you find yourself in?

Welcome.

You're most welcome. 

Thank you so much JT. It was a really informative and useful response. I'm checking out the links right now. 

Thank you again Plastic for your fantastic support. I really appreciate the time you take to reply and with really useful info.

Hi Adam

I was a late diagnosed - I'm a child of the late 60s - I watched the moon landings - I made it to 42 before my world was completely falling apart and my 'quirks' were too obvious to ignore.   Like you, Asperger's wasn't a thing back then - you either fitted in or got stuck in 'remedial class' with the deadbeats.

We usually get diagnosed as bipolar or depressed - it's how we look to 'normal' people because we are happy talking about negative things - apparently, normal people don't do this?

If you've had that many jobs, can I suggest you're looking at the wrong career path - you need to acknowledge your strengths ans weaknesses and follow the path that fits your personality.  

A diagnosis can be handy in the workplace if you like the job but just need some tweaks to help you succeed.

There's a famous autistic woman - Temple Grandin - she published a list of jobs we should aim for and ones to avoid - it's a bit out of date but it's still a guide to thinking more about what you want to do.

 https://www.aspergers101.com/choosing-right-job-people-autism-aspergers-syndrome/

I'm a nerd - always into tech so I ended up as an engineer - lots of nerdy things to play with.     I preferred working on my own and I worked for people who couldn't understand what I was doing so they mostly left me alone.    I was happy in a plant-room on my own.

Hi there. You have described a sort of mirror image of myself, even in age. When I spoke to my GP I listed reasons for why I wanted a referral and was granted it. I then waited 2 years and just tried to get on until I heard back.

In the end, believe it or not, I cancelled the appointment the day before. I decided that I know who I am, and what my struggles are, and didn't feel that someone else's opinion would give me any further validation. So I instead decided to work on myself more. Support won't change me and how I live in this society, only I can do that, so I'm pivoting the amount of work I take on, and how I go about reacting to other people in tough situations which I can control if I try, to see if I can calmly resolve many issues that I struggle with.

Focusing on breathing in many situations does a surprisingly large amount to help me tbh.

However, support is the right choice for many people and sounds like you at least need to talk this through with someone who is trained to recognise what these traits might mean. There are some good private resources that could help, even a free consoltation might help you along a bit?

These guys were previously recorded recommended:

https://www.autism-unravelled.com/

...but I imagine to isn't cheap. £1500+ for a private diagnosis at many places.

Good luck. I hope you find some solace from their opinion